Quote Originally Posted by Babeba View Post
I agree with many of the above posters. Sometimes DADT is temporary, sometimes it is ongoing, but it is always to try and help that wife to understand or live with something they were not prepared for and don't know how to deal with in any other way.

Women are socialized from a young age to defer to others (especially men), to cooperate, accommodate and put others first. When a wife (particularly from a generation which formed pre-Internet, when this social pressure was harder) puts her foot down on this stuff, I don't think she does it because she is a control freak, but because she just is having trouble processing this stuff and gets defensive of is ubderstandably worried about safety.If cross dressing is threatening their concept of what their life is like, then they may try to resolve it by DADT. I think what a cross dresser needs to do is show that wife their quality of life does not change when he is being feminine more often, that it doesn't threaten job security, and that you won't be beat up in the street when you step Outside. Then they need to learn about how dressing may have some benefits to this for their spouse or themselves.
I hear what you're saying, Babeba, and agree with you for the most part. But where you lose me is in the fact that people do change over time (some more, some less) as does the world around us, and we need to be flexible enough to accommodate this.

When my wife and I married 35+ plus years ago, there was no Internet, very little was known about the subject of crossdressing, and what little there was, was very negative. We were "transvestites", this was considered to be an aberrant, fetishistic, sexually deviant practice, and society ranked us just slightly above pedophiles on the "creep" index. So of course, finding out that your husband or partner was a crossdresser would be highly upsetting to a woman, and the first inclination would be for her to either walk away from the relationship or else to suppress it in any way possible (enter: fingers in the ear while chanting lalalalalala!, DADT etc.) A perfectly normal reaction given the temper of the times, and one that I can understand fully. Hence, my unconditional acceptance of DADT at the time.

But the world has changed, and so have I.

Gays and lesbians have now come fully out of the closet, gone totally mainstream, and for the most part are now seen as valuable, contributing members of society who just happen to be a little bit "different". Similarly, over the last 10 years or so, there has been an explosion regarding the information available out there about both crossdressing and transgenderism in general. Laws are being passed everywhere to include gender identity as well as sexual orientation on the list of items for which discrimination is no longer tolerated.

One can hardly open up a newspaper or turn on the television these days without seeing an article, a show, or a documentary on transgenderism, a person who either wants to (or has) transitioned, and how they are integrating into society with the help of family and employers who are increasingly sympathetic and understanding with respect to their plight.

H*ll, even Dr. Phil finally "gets it", and we have seen transgendered/transsexual individuals such as androgynous model Andrej Pejic, America's Next Top Model Isis King, and Miss Universe Canada Jennna Talackova make huge strides in gaining mainstream acceptance - and even managing to put powerful, uber-macho blowhards like Donald Trump in their place in the process.

The big topic these days is transgendered children, how this condition is being detected and recognized earlier and earlier, and how progressive parents are dealing with it in a positive way. The recommended action in response to this is increasingly to take a non-interventionist approach so as not to damage the child's developing psyche. In some cases, this includes allowing them to go on beta-blockers before they reach puberty so that they can make their own decision as to which way they want to go once they are old enough to make that life-changing decision.

This is a far cry from when I was young, and when I shamefully had to hide this part of me for fear of upsetting the world around me. Fortunately, there is also a growing awareness of just how at-risk these transgendered children are when it comes to attempting suicide because they feel so isolated and alone - so all the more reason to treat them sympathetically, and to make every effort to make their lives better.

This is the world I currently live in, and no longer feel any guilt or shame over being transgendered. If anything, I now embrace it, frequently go out in public en femme , and find total acceptance everywhere I go - except at home. I just wish my wife would also get in tune with the times and join me in this kinder, gentler world...