I really want to contribute to this even if I am just agreeing with other posts. I don't have a problem with that as it gives Doormat (DM) a rounded view of opinion here. I also want to thank DM for posting and starting a tremendously helpful discussion.
I think Reine is right on the ball as usual with where my head is. I used to closet dress (ie she didn't know) for years... I was worried it would freak my wife out and I always thought it would go away - as we all know and as I have done since I joined here, it doesn't. I decided not to tell but took it more seriously. Yeah, she found out but has never seen me fully cross-dressed - just found things when I'd been careless. We have had a few sparky moments that indicate her feelings about this are far from good (though she accepts it is okay for other guys to do this)... but we are now in a classic DADT relationship. She knows that I do, but doesn't want anything to do with it. She doesn't want to see anything or hear anything about it... BUT... she gives me a lot of time and space.
We have three grown up daughters by the way... we could separate (except dealing with the house and money gets complicated), but the reality is that we have had a solid relationship over the years and we value and love each other, in the way that mature loving couples of our age tend to. She is my best friend and my wife and we have shared a lot together. So I am happy with the way things are really... OK I would like to get away for a few days every now and again and get to 'transform' fully - used to be easier than it is now - but I have NO DESIRE to involve her at all!
She wants me to be the guy she has known all these years, the guy she married. OK, I still am, but she cannot accept this other side of me as part of her life - though she does accept that it is a part of my life and an important one. So here we are. The big point is that I respect her views and will totally support them. And I think this is where DM needs to move her H to. He really needs to be appreciative of who she is and her needs and feelings...
