Thank you everyone for your responses! I am actually quite surprised by most of them, given much of the topics I have read on this forum during my many months of lurking. I expected everyone to be on my H's side while encouraging me to fully accept his dressing or give up.

Of course, some here do feel a wife should fully accept and I do understand this if the husband involved is a fulltime crossdresser etc. I probably should have placed more information with my initial rant (sorry about the anger but this has become a very touchy subject lately) and explained that my H has actually been dressing for most of his life, but not very often and even now that we are in the middle of this 'war' he still says he only needs to dress once a week, sometimes only once a month. I don't have a problem with how often as I don't see this changing as my H is actually very masculine and from the conversations we have had, he doesn't see himself as having much of feminine side. He just likes to present feminine on occasion, if this makes sense?

I'll be honest, it doesn't really to me! lol

Anyway, it's helped a lot to have my feelings validated that he's pushing me too hard. I think so, too. Funny, but when I first found out five years ago, he didn't. In fact, he sort of brushed it under the carpet and I didn't hear much more about it. This was true DADT, I guess, and selfishly I liked this stage or our 14 year marriage! But then, for whatever reason that even he can't explain, he decided a few months ago that this wasn't working for him anymore and that he wants to bring this out into our relationship and have me know what he's up to etc. Sort of like a midlife CD crisis!

I've pondered everyone's thoughts posted here and have realized that he's probably decided he does need more acceptance from me. But why now? I am not sure. We have had external family issues to contend with that have certainly made us both more reflective on our lives. Would it be fair to say that CD is a part of the person? It's very hard as a GG to understand how dressing as the opposite gender can be a 'part' of someone, but I'm really trying. If it is a part of my H, then I can sort of understand why he would need validation of this part. I just wish I wasn't to repelled by the whole thing. Someone here was very correct when they mentioned socialization and upbringing. At no point was I taught of crossdressing or even knew men did such a thing! Men are men and women and women and everything else is seen on stage. lol

He really is a good husband otherwise and on an intellectual level I know he didn't choose this path. But neither did I, and often times I think of all the other paths I would rather walk down and all the other things I'd rather think about/do with my H. I understand this is something he MUST do, but it's infinitely sad to me that we are at such odds with the things we like to do together. Crossdressing is definitely an enigma.

I also thought I would mention the family dynamic - I don't feel it would help me to have them know as I doubt they would understand. I think they would only make both of us feel worse and the parents are just too old to gain any benefit from this knowledge. However, I have confided in a close friend and she has been a huge source of non-judgmental support and has never once suggested I leave my H. But she knows him quite well too, and can see the man he is otherwise. She's also seen it all and can list quite a few worse things he could be doing!

But back to the DADT and my H pushing CD on me, I have decided to sit him down and have a straight conversation with him as this can't carry on. Talking here has made me realize that he probably isn't doing this to intentionally hurt me and that he likely just wants me to acknowledge this part of him exists. But he also needs to BACK OFF and let me deal in my time. This is going way too fast.

I won't be quite so abrupt, of course.

I do have one question: given what I have read here and how addictive CD seems to be for many men, will any further tolerance on my part cause my H to escalate his dressing? I don't think I could handle that, but it's a big fear. I also don't want to be seen as a control freak who refuses to learn or understand because of a fear of escalation, but I really do worry that he might fall further into this 'pink fog' you all talk of.

And in response to the question about whether my H looking really good as a woman would have made me feel better and even possibly turned me on? Hell no! lol. I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to all things masculine - the smell, the look, the texture of a man. I think you have all been surprisingly kind and accepting and understanding of this rather angry wife, and from your profiles I can see many of you make very beautiful women, but I want you all to know that your male sides are very much appreciated too. I feel sad when I read of the dislike of masculinity and how male clothes are 'drab' etc. Men are also beautiful, and I wanted you all to know that.