Im so saddened to read your post...you are in such a bind, and I don't even know where to start. You really need some time to think, don't be rushed into any decisions, and try to explore your own true feelings. Does your medical cover therapy...? it may be a good option for you, but of course, its always hard to find that right person to talk with. Dealing with your wife as well as your own feelings is going to be a tough one, because I see already that you don't want to hurt her, but you are being hurt by her...
