I would venture to guess that the only person capable of sorting through this complicated relationship conundrum is sex and relationship columnist Dan Savage, best known for his advice column called "Savage Love". He has a website, but can also be contacted through his column which appears in many alternative newspapers.
Dan himself is openly gay, but he also has straight, gay, lesbian and bi-, followers as well as adherents of all kinds of other alternative lifestyles coming to him for advice, and most of it is spot-on. Nothing shocks him and he will usually cut to the chase in the case of issues like yours, most of which he can analyze with an amazing clarity that gets to the heart of the matter despite all of the extraneous "noise" that often accompany these reader requests for help - and not unlike your own convoluted situation.
Give him a try - he might just be able to help you sort through all this. Then again, you also run the risk of him simply advising you to DTMFA, which is his trademark acronym for "Dump the Mother F*cker, Already"when all else fails, and there simply is no more common ground left for for a workable solution to a relationship impasse.
