This makes me think of an area where Marla and I have a whole lot in common. We don't have a desire to get dolled up and hang out with our SO's. I think Marla's aversion is even greater than mine because while I don't go out of my way to avoid my wife while presenting as a female, she will catch fleeting glimpses here and there which failed to make the world explode.
Yet at the same time, maybe it did and this is where Marla's feelings about this whole thing come into play. Our SO's world may very well explode in a slow-burn inside their own hearts or even with a contained violence, either of which is held inside, the image of their hubby forever engrained and heaven help us should she ever let loose with her true feelings about how she now perceives her guy.
Marla, I truly think you need to somehow carve out an understanding, not that you will be prancing around your wife while presenting as a female but instead, that you'll be in a sequestered part of the house doing your thing while she does hers, and that out of absolute respect for her you will not have her see anything. Yes, easier said than done.