Considering Transition

[PaulaQ]

Wanting to get your own way[freedom to be the person you want] is far different than permanent changes to your body and life.Not sure you have the experiences to even know what you need. My opinion only.

1. What does freedom have to do with anything I've said? Do you think I actually WANT this? Oh no - but I am powerless to stop it. I WANT to not wake up each morning, disappointed because I'm awake, and not dead... Seems to me that this is happening to me - like it or not.

2. What experiences would you suggest I acquire, before my personality completely collapses - seriously, I'm all ears.

IMNSHO, the professionals are right, you must get your other problems in hand before embarking upon full-blown transition, but that does not mean you cannot make any progress. Can you afford to start electrolysis?

If you do need to transition (and I am not doubting your word) how far have you/can you get your wife involved?

Yeah, I'm going to look at electrolysis or getting my beard lasered. I have been clean shaven the entire time my wife has known me. That will be a major step I can take that will not seem like much is happening. (I'm open for opinions about electrolysis vs. laser.)

My wife is a significant problem. We love each other, and we've been together 20 years. She can barely abide the idea of me cross dressing - I only came out to her a month ago as being transgendered. She is CERTAIN I'll transition, and so she is grieving over the entire process. (I haven't come out and told her this is how it's liable to go. I've told her I'd like to avoid it - which was true until last week. Hell, it's still true now - I just don't think I can anymore.) I have been pretty honest with her about how I feel about myself. She doesn't see how clothes fix how I feel. My wife is no dummy.

She wants to help me through this - but she can't really bear it, and I'm 100% sure that at some point during a transition, the marriage will end. I'm hoping we can salvage some semblance of a relationship, at least as friends, but there is really no telling. This is a real crisis for her. I empathize with her a lot. If I could spare her this, I would, but I don't think I can. She's keeping it together better than I am right now - but that may not last.

She's having problems with any changes I make, even fairly trivial ones. She feels like her world is falling apart and the happy life she knows and loves is coming to an end. She has a point - that's what's happening alright.

Anyway, suffice to say - I don't have a ton of support at home.

The accepted and recommended treatment for Gender Dysphoria is therapy with a gender therapist who can write a hormone letter for you which will enable you to begin HRT. Most of the girls who suffer from GD, report feeling calmer and more normal with hormones.

I'm seeing a therapist who has experience with trans people. I'll make sure she can write the letter - I believe she can. I feel pretty certain that I'm suffering from GD. The other girls in my TG support group report similar feelings to the ones I'm experiencing, although I feel I'm by far the most messed up girl in the meeting right now. (Although there are others there early in their transition who have really genuinely terrible problems - I'm not trying to make light of that at all. I'm not actually happy to report how messed up I seem to be.)

I'm still trying to find resources though. I'm in a fairly terrible part of the country for someone who is contemplating transition.

This is the third episode of this I've had during my lifetime. This also feels like the worst of the three.

My expectation is that this is going to be tough sledding.

You may transition, that will really be up to you. I have read many places where they say that sometimes just HRT will alleviate the symptoms of GD and no further action is needed. I am seeing a therapist too and will eventually begin HRT. He goes by the WPATH guidelines so it will take a few months.

I hope this is the case Ellen, although I have my doubts. I *hate* myself. I *hate* being a guy. I'm not totally hung up on SRS - but I need to have breasts, of this I'm sure. I think FFS would help a lot too. I'm not hung up on "pretty" - I don't think I'll get to "pretty." I'll settle for not hating myself.