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Thread: Acceptance vs. Resignation

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  1. #17
    Senior Member KellyJameson's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
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    Hi Reine

    I have watched you on the forum since the beginning because you have always fascinated me.

    You have to the best of my knowledge always attempted to be very sensitive to the feelings of others so I would never take your questions as an attack or being flippant.

    I know this is an assumption on my part but I also think you are a highly unusual woman so your reaction and thinking will often be atypical in regards to crossdressing and or transsexuals.

    I must admit that I am still struggling myself with understanding identity and regret that I did not in the past recognize how profoundly important identity is to our mental health

    I have spent my childhood, teen years and twenties living identiless as the repression of my gender identity so in this sickness I paradoxically could not understand it. It is only now that I'm on the otherside and for the first time in my life I can say that I actually now have an identity as the experience of my gender that I realize how dangerous it is to live without it or to lose it.

    I think we take identity for granted because it is like the air and is so much a part of us that we can not "sense it" until it is gone or because we have been deprived of it or turned our own back on it and in the doing so we suffer.

    Because gender identity can be such an abstract concept I approached identity from other angles such as sexual identity or national identity or ethnic identity.

    Identity is what we identify "with" as "who and or what we are"

    When we experience the death of a beloved parent we can actually experience an identity crisis because we have stopped being someones daughter or son so in this loss through their death we have lost a part of ourselves.

    Many years ago I lost part of my identity when my only child died which was particularly devastating because I was already living in a fractured state from living contrary to my gender so I was very susceptible to any type of psychological shock.

    Losing your identity is a stripping away of your sanity and you go into dissociation.

    It is very difficult to explain the psychological experience of dissociation to those who have never experienced it.

    Your brain compartmentalizes itself to protect pieces of itself but it means not living with an understanding of self because there is more than one person living inside your head and they have a sense of each other but they do not know each other. It is not distinct different personalities but the same personality divided and often against itself.

    You live apart from higher emotion like empathy, compassion and love because without identity you are experiencing existential terror so there is no room or understanding for or of these emotions.

    Losing your identity or never formulating your identity traumatizes the mind.

    Without identity you cannot become self actualized. A self actualized person shows specific behavioral traits.

    Self-actualized people tend to accept themselves and others as they are. They tend to lack inhibition and are able to enjoy themselves and their lives free of guilt. Other people are treated the same regardless of background, current status, or other socio-economic and cultural factors.

    Another major characteristic of self-actualized people is a sense of realism. Rather than being fearful of things that are different or unknown, the self-actualized individual is able to view things logically and rationally.

    Self-actualized individuals are often motivated by a strong sense of personal ethics and responsibility. They enjoy applying their problem-solving skills to real-world situations and like helping other people improve their own lives.

    The self-actualized individual does not conform to other people's ideas of happiness or contentment. This original perspective allows the individual to live in the moment and appreciate the beauty of each experience

    You lose this and more when you lose your identity because you have lost the sense of self.

    Barbras wife has built her world (identity) piece by piece so it is more than just the material wealth or financial threat.

    Change threatens our identity. Sometimes this is good because after the trauma caused by the change the person finds themselves stronger because they have discovered and developed aspects of themselves they did not know exsisted.

    I can say that all the pain of my life has actually been very beneficial to me but only because I am better for it but this is often not the case and I certainly cannot take credit because it was almost completely decided by the randomness of fate.

    Barbra's wife is fighting change because change threatens her. She does not want her life broken up into pieces.

    Some people are more vulnerable than others to change.

    Not knowing the experience of identity that GD "causes and is" makes you very weak on one hand but also very strong on the other.

    When you are mentally ill there is not much more that can hurt you, if you can avoid destroying yourself because of the mental illness and living without identity is a form of mental illness in my opinion.

    I think those with identity sense this and fight because they do not want to slip into "craziness"

    Hope this helps Reine and thanks for being you. Your SO is very fortunate to have such a compassionate partner.

    You clearly have a very strong sense of yourself and that is possibly one of the reasons you are able to take risks in your relationship, but this is very rare.

    Your identity is so solid that it is not easily threatened and that is one of the attributes of a self actualized person.
    Last edited by KellyJameson; 09-12-2013 at 11:01 PM.

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