When I was younger I was always wanting my wife to participate somehow with my cross dressing. It was an awkward situation. Early in our marriage BOTH of us discovered my attraction for women's clothing. It was strictly a playful bedroom thing. HOWEVER, that kindled a desire in my for more. When my wife found that I had progressed from a playful nightie to slip, bra and panty, we BOTH realized this was something more. That turned off any interest by her. I clearly understand her declination to participate. After the customary clearing of the air conversation; "No, I don't want to become a woman:" "No, I am not gay:" etc, we entered a DADT marriage. Along the way I wished she would buy me panties for my birthday. I think I was trying to gain some acceptance from her, because I felt I needed her validation of who I was. We did go shopping at Mervyn's for panties. It was a painful experience for her. With hindsight it bordered on spousal mental abuse. Then I realized I needed to STOP trying to seek her validation and respect her feelings. Once in a while she will find I had left out a bra or panty. She will put it in the wash closet by the dryer and tell me.

Frankly, based on my experience you need to stop pestering her for participation. You do not need to validate your cross dressing by tormenting her. Your posts suggest to me she has been trying to accommodate you at the cost of inflicting torment upon herself.

I suggest you find another outlet for your cross dressing. Sure, you can go to a therapist to validate what you and her seem to already acknowledge: She accepts the fact you NEED to cross dress, and, she does not want to willingly participate in that part of you. Perhaps, you need to attend a support group. I do not mean bar hopping. I mean meeting with other "ladies" and their spouses for dinner at a restaurant. If you do, then you need to clearly convey to your wife the nature of the activity, so she does not think ill of it.

Also, you and your wife need some couples time. This has nothing to do with cross dressing. If your wife is at home with young kids that can almost create a prison for her. Repetitious activity will kill a desire to do anything. Exhaustion. Take the initiative and drag her from the house. Create a date night for you and her with NO cross dressing. Get a neighbor or family member to babysit and take her overnight somewhere.

I know many women and men who do NOT have a hobby. Many women just want some time away from kids. They want attention. Sometimes the greatest luxury in a marriage is the opportunity to do absolutely nothing.

Above all, stop trying to get your wife to accept you on YOUR level. Frankly, you're way more fortunate than many cross dressers. She hasn't thrown you out the door. You need to respect her right to not participate. Forced accommodation is NOT willing accommodation.