Hi Samantha,

What a great post and very well thought out. It resonates loudly with what I went through . . . 32 years of repressing the female identity coupled with 25 years of marriage . . . conflict, emotional drain, implosion and finally admitting the truth and embracing that part of me. Fortunately my marriage survived and while my wife finds it odd at times, she sees me no different from the man she married 25 years ago, I just have a different way of expressing one of my identities. Now I truly believe that one of the reasons for this being that we do not mix "romance" with this portion of my identity. Specifically, I hold no illusion my wife is or will ever be attracted to me dressed "en femme" as she is heterosexual and desires the company of a man in that regard. I also ensure that "boy me" is there for her when it comes to vacations, going out and so forth. However, "girl me" is there as a friend when we do spend time together be it watching TV or just discussing things (but my core personality does not change).

You are right on in that we cannot change this if we tried. All one has to do is read the posts of those who purge, say goodbye and then return again. Putting it away, repressing it or whatever one chooses to do will work for a time but then it will catch-up become an emotional drain and bleed out in your personal life in some form or another . . . normally anger or depression. I also like your analogy of why it takes some of us a long time to in our marriage to come clean. Some will say it should be simple tell her at the beginning. However as you stated for some of us "we did not know" and it takes time to understand it ourselves and that can be years if not decades. Yes today, there is more tolerance and some here know going in and are up front. But I dare say for every one who knows at this precise moment in time there are probably three who don't and will not for some time.

Again great post.

Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbell-GG View Post
. . . My H however, for the longest time, harboured a ridiculously male idea that inside every woman is a latent lesbian and that eventually I'd come around to intimacy with him dressed.
Ah Tink . . . you mean it is not all soft glow pillow fights in racy lingerie when GGs get together . . . darn locker room myths :D

Hugs

Isha