I feel for you. I have been in similar situation, and haven't completely solved my situation yet. But I have gotten to a semi-equilibrium. Some call it DADT.
So basically, let's start with a non-working situation. You want something called A, and she wants none of A. A could be crossdress, or golf, or traveling, whatever things that caused problem. There are only a couple of solutions: (1) you change, (2) she changes, (3) both of you change somewhat. Which way it goes depends on a few factors, a) if the issue is intrinsic, and b) for non-intrinsic issues, if the party is willing to make the change.
This issue is usually that most women assume CDing is a choice (there are a few threads on this earlier), so they apply pressure (such as ultimatum) trying to get the change scale going their way. This has been the built-in way of negotiation for some people. The first approach to solution here is to make the point clear that CDing is intrinsic (just like being gay). You may be surprised that many women did not know that. Once you get the basic assumptions agreed on, the discussion may become a bit easier.
This does not mean you can always get her to go your way. I now fell that for some women, not wanting CDing in their husband may be intrinsic too (or close to intrinsic), as their emotional stimulation is tied to physical appearance. Not wanting CDing in their husband may be in some way similar to that a heterosexual man would not want to date a man. In some way such a women marrying a CDer is a sexually incompatible situation (which usually got blamed on the deception of the CDing party. This itself is a long topic). If the emotional connection is strong, they may both compromise, which leads to DADT situation. If not, then it probably leads to dissolution of the marriage.
