I've brought two additional friends into the fold!

I have a close 20-year work colleague that I really wanted to have "in the know" because there are many activities that we'd like to do with him and his spouse. Not being out to them really impacted our social life because I am now doing most activities in female mode and it is increasingly uncomfortable to be in male mode.

Now, this friend had dropped some fairly large hints that he had some awareness of what I am about. Over the last few months he'd mentioned a common acquaintance who had transitioned and also said that he enjoyed the trailer for The Danish Girl, to which I replied that I had already seen the movie.

All that remained was getting them into a situation where we could have a private chat.

My friend wanted us to try out a favorite steak house of his a couple of cities over and I'm never one to turn down a good steak. We arranged to get together, along with out spouses, The restaurant had traditional wood-and-leather decor and was a very comfortable place. We enjoyed our meals (the steaks were excellent!) and settled down for a chat over dessert and coffee.

Taking a deep breath I told them that there was something that I had wanted to talk to them about for quite a while. I'd always told them about the active social life we lead, but I felt sorry that we hadn't included them in it. The thing that prevented it was that I was transgendered and just about everything I did outside of work was as a woman. I had been very secretive about it and now wanted to bring selected friends into the know. There was a moment's pause while that sank in.

My friend's spouse broke the silence. She said "Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us." That got things rolling so I gave them a brief description of my journey and my still-vague plans for transition. I showed them a couple of pictures on my phone so that they could get a mental picture of the female me. They were both on-board immediately! We chatted for a long while about transgenderism in general and resolved to do more things together. We paid our bill, walked outside, and parted ways with nice hugs all around.

This one went smoothly as expected. I told them that it was OK to discuss me with their son (who knows our daughters) but that I'd prefer that he not discuss it at work until I talk to more colleagues privately. He understood my reasons and said he had no problem with that. We spent time together at work today and everything is fine. It's kind of nice knowing that at least one colleague knows the real me!

I now have one strong ally at work and allies will make things much easier. The next step is to think of an interesting activity to do with them as Eryn! I'm looking forward to that!

Quote Originally Posted by Sue View Post
It is interesting the differences we get in male/female responses. In the bigger picture, I feel I interact more with the women and a little less with the men since coming out to them. It is the interests sometimes that do that as I still talk about life in general with them.

Your male friend was seeing his wife put product in your hair and then you told your story. That is a bonding moment geared towards her and not him. He was disconnected from the moment...
You're absolutely correct, and it probably wasn't very nice of me from that standpoint. However, in our defense, there is no absolutely perfect moment and this was about the best we were going to get.

Quote Originally Posted by STACY B View Post
...You gotta tip toe with this subject and not push it real hard and fast and like you said just dress neutral around them for a long while so it doesn't threaten them. Maybe that shows them there is more than clothes and sex to this and that's what people need to understand?
My therapist and I discussed the issue and one thing that came up is that, from the male friend's point of view, I have "switched to the other team," an act that is not in his world-view at all. Even though males cooperate with the opposite gender, there is always an underlying tension and separation. Now he has to sort out how to relate to me now that my status has changed in his eyes. That will take time.

Mimi and I intend to continue to reach out to him. We have enjoyed eating together every week or two for years and we intend for this to continue.