Well said Marcelle and Kimberley...
I was pondering on this thread overnight and what struck me is how much preaching goes on here under the pretext of support. This sort of sanctimonious pontification is NOT support: it's thinly-veiled imperiousness that follows the same pattern - "you've done something wrong that conflicts with my values so I'm telling you the right dogma to follow because my values are the only ones that matter..." :facepalm:
Why do so many of you assume that personal values are absolute and homogeneous when clearly that is far from reality? Look around at the behaviour of your politicians, public figures, commercial leaders, friends, anyone! - if you need examples of how diverse 'truth' and 'honesty' can be interpreted.
Your values are not my values and your opinions of morals are just that: your opinions, with no more moral weight than any individual that posts here.
Your telling outcomes...
Well, 3 is clearly not telling, so why not add:Originally Posted by VeronicaMoonlit
4. Never being found out and never having to tell
Again, why do you believe the contrary and ignore what is obviously real: that some people go their entire lives with never being outed..? This forum is NOT representative of the entire CD community - there are much bigger and more online communities that relate to the fetish and sexual side of this behaviour than we represent. This community is skewed - most of the time in a positive, thinking sense - but occasionally the preachy side comes out and I can't help but think that there's a touch of the "Well I'm out so everyone has to be out.." I've seen it so many times and because there are so few of us that are willing to bear the moral outrage and calls of 'liar', 'coward', blah, blah... the pressure to believe that outing is inevitable builds on those who are not. That's not supportive - it's dogmatic and one-dimensional thinking.
Relationships are built on many different levels with different emphases for different people - anyone that believes otherwise is so myopic about their own experience, quite frankly, for that opinion to be worth little to anyone else.
Kimberley: Do what you want to do and what feels right for you - this place is not the universal arbiter of what is good and bad in relationships. For one thing all of us have something weird going on just to be here, right? And some of us are really struggling with something significant in the gender sense... While we might all appreciate a little of what you're going through, in other ways this place would the last on earth I'd take advice from...
Katey x
