Planning to come out to wife.

[Kitty Sue]

Have to agree with char on this one.

In person, be honest, and tell her everything.

I shall do my best. Which is part of why I was thinking of writing it down.

It seems to me that you have told her a lot already. Mentioning that premarital cross dressing experience and the m/m encounter really has to have left an impression. That is not something anyone would forget. So, I think its fair to say that she has been told about your inclinations. Now, it is fair for her to know that these have not disappeared, but that you have honored your commitment to her and will continue to do so. At the same time, its reasonable to let her know that you are still the person you were more than seven years ago, and that cross dressing remains an important part of who you are.

I hope the conversations go well for you both.

Indeed. Crossdressing is certainly an important part of who I am.

I'll say it again... This would have been easier had it been discussed earlier. It will be perceived as the deception it was, and it will be that which must be overcome for things to move forward.

You are absolutely correct.

Some people are tolerant in word only. When things happen to them, they have a not in my backyard response - NIMBY.

True. That's what I worried about. There are a lot NIMBY types out there. I hope she will not be one of them. Two serious relationships I was in before my wife and both women were very accepting. Would be kind of luck to find the woman I married was not. lol

I don't like it. As far as being bi, if you're not going to act on it I don't see what difference it makes. As far as crossdressing, I favor showing rather than telling... a little at a time. If you want to wear nail polish, suggest that the two of you go get mani-pedis as a couple. Even if she declines, this will open up the conversation. Tell her you'd like to wear nail polish. Let the other aspects of it follow the same pattern. When you hit some resistance, see if it's negotiable. If it's not, you have some decisions to make. You'll figure out pretty quickly how open she is to it. Telling her you're a crossdresser doesn't define anything. Wearing nail polish, shaving your legs, getting your ears pierced, etc. are all definable things. I think this stuff is easier to digest in small doses.

Not sure I'm one you should be taking advice from, though. I'm 10 years divorced because of it. It was a good run while it lasted!

Great point about being Bi. I am not going to act on it as that would be cheating. I do not want to cheat on my wife with a woman or a man. Perhaps I will leave that out. As for telling her a little at a time. I disagree with you there. I think I would prefer just to tell her all at once. She would ask why we I wanted to go with her to get nails done anyway.

I agree with Rhonda Jean. I think U have a bigger issue with being bi than u think. The way u over explained it tipped me off!

She knows you're bi, u already told her. I think u may have fantasies of dressing and being with men? Otherwise, why do u keep connecting your dressing with being bi? I think u object too much with your promising not to have sex with men. I think u should talk with a therapist before u have the "talk" with your wife!

Good idea. I do have a therapist. I will make an appointment tomorrow.

As Rhonda Jean said above, if I am not going to act on being bi, why do I need to tell her. I am not going to act on it. So maybe I don't need to tell her that. A couple of years go she called me "straight" and that has really bugged me. I thought how on earth can you call me straight after knowing I had sex with a man. Perhaps I will just leave that out and if she calls me straight again, I will say "do you really think I am straight after having sex with a man before we married. I am more likely bi wouldn't you say?" I don't think that would her that much if I put that way after she called me straight. I think I will leave being bi out of this conversation. She probably realizes it on some level anyway.

When you do your redraft take out the word "However" (second paragraph, first word).

Excellent point! I will indeed leave that out.

Thanks girls for all the input. It is really appreciated.