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One doesn't have to be like most of the CDs here to get something out of it. For example, being divorced and single, I have no interest in all the spouse related threads. I don't dress in public, so passing isn't my main goal either, but I may venture out some day.
I have found others here that are more like me, and there are some aspects of crossdressing that we all have in common, like girl's clothes!
Hello Greenie.
I am sorry that you BF got that feeling from the forum.
I know that there are plenty of people on here that feel the same way he does.
There is the entire spectrum of people here, All great people with there own thing.
covering the whole range, from the person that just occasionally like to wear some lingerie
to people that are going thru surgery to become a woman.
basically it is what ever you feel way you feel most comfortable.
for me, It is all dressed up completely from the neck down.
I guess I have a thing for boobies, I always wear my breast forms.
or as my wife calls them my "spare parts" :heehee:
But unless I am going out. I almost never wear a wig. and have only had my
makeup done once, and that was by my wife for a Halloween Party.
I must say that the forum can be a lot to take in,
There are so many areas and so much information.
If he feels comfortable in dressing the way he does, then that is really
what is most important. Be happy and enjoy life.
Wow! Thanks all for posting. I knew that more people like luca existed. I guess its just nice to post and ask about it. I know that being a part of this forum has helped our relationship more than most of you know. I also just have liked getting to know you gals/guys. I guess the sad truth is that luca got to see a lot of that competition side that was talked about. He never personally was victimized because the only pictures he had here were in full femme gear that I did with him and he looked really good. Hopefully I can show him this thread and tell him; "See people here are like you and there are plenty of great gals on here who wont judge you for not dressing to the nines."
I know that there is no correct way to cd. I tell him this all the time. Sometimes its the ocassional judgemental person on here that needs to be reminded that its not "their way or the highway" I guess my post was kinda to point a finger at them and yell "stop!"
That is vey true, there is no right or wrong way. If you are happy and comfortable, then that is the
right way for you.
Print out the thread and leave it on the coffee table for him to read. :daydreaming:
I am sorry he felt a bit out of the main stream here. It's understandable, because although I believe this is a very accepting and open forum, there are a lot of us, regular participants who are more deeply involved in CDing, and very interested in fully expressing femininity.
And for the record, although I'm among those who actually want to be a woman...and live my life accordingly....I strongly object to any thread that states or implies that one 'must' present a certain way.
My advice to your SO, however, is like the advice I give anyone new here. Read selectively. Not every thread...not every opinion is relevant to you and your life. Remember, each of us, when we post an opinion or advice will inevitably be expressing a very personal perspective. Sift through the posts for those things useful and relevant to you.
Greenie - Thanks for your openness - your thoughts and comments. I am glad you are a member and I hope your SO feels welcome. He should. This site should be all about acceptance, not judgment. It should be about diversity, not exclusion. It should be about each member's uniqueness, not conformity. It should be about helping each other, not criticizing. It should be fun and entertaining and supportive. It is not perfect, and some threads and comments may be judgmental or challenging, but your SO should just ignore them and finds threads he enjoys or finds helpful.
Hi GreenieQuote:
Originally Posted by Greenie
Your Bf sounds like me!
My underlying message here has always been just be who you are and not this, that or the other thing according to someone else's standards. Only by doing that will we be happy. If we try to please everyone else, we will be a dismal failure. It's not about dismal, it's about being happy and that is what we should strive for. Critics are a dime a dozen it seems but true friends will stick by us no matter what. I think many of us here are made of that sterner stuff Greemie and just know that the both of you are loved and appreciated for being who you are very much. :)
IMHO a cd'er can be a person that discreetly slips on a pair of his wife or gf's panties occasionally , up to a person that goes through full transition .But I think most of us fall somewhere in between and whatever preference we as individuals have should be our own and we should not be made to feel like we are in a a competitive sport .
It must be awful for a crossdressing site to actually intensify a crossdresser's lonelieness. But I have also found it difficult to connect with anyone who is exactly compatible with me....however, I still visit the site often just to learn whatever I can. We all have different levels of interest in crossdressing and there may be a few jerks on here. But you can express yourself here. You can talk about things you can't talk about elsewhere and I think most of us are very understanding....Most of us will never pass or be lovely but we can feel lovely and know that we are not alone...I love this site, even if ultimately it does have limitations....and maybe they are self-imposed, anyway. I think your BF should keep exploring himself and his own fem desires, and keep coming to the site or finding other CDs...and you are wonderful, btw..for supporting him.
hi their imsort of like him i dont try makeup on i just wear a wig out side on my porch and lipstick a dress heels .
Of course there is a place for him here. There is a place for everyone here...this is a community and needs input from everyone no matter what their particular interest is relating to CD.
Not everyone feels the need to dress completely, makeup, wig and all and go out in public. Not everyone feels the need to wear an entire outfit to satisfy their need. We are all different, yet the same and that's what's so wonderful about this forum.
You probably find more people talking about breastforms, wigs, makeup and such because they are the more vocal of the group. Many members may simply read the posts and not participate as much because that's who they are. Others post many, many times because they prefer to interact more. Personally, I love going out, I enjoy wearing my forms, wig and makeup and making myself look as much like other women as possible and being part of the world as a woman. In that vein I participate in many of the threads, while I'm sure that others may focus their interest in only one or two.
We gals come in a wide spectrum, just a the general population does. That diversity is what makes the world so interesting and makes us interesting as human beings.Tell him he's certainly welcome, give it time and he will find his place.
I don't use make up or a wig that often. Now and again I like to do the full dress up to see how I look. I wear a skirt or dress every day after work, with all the underwear and shoes, but no make up. I do not wish to waste all that time for just around home. There is no right or wrong way to CD. That is up to the individual's freedom of choice.
Greenie,
Luca certainly has a place here.
People do not judge but if they are asked an opinion some will give an opinion.
This can be helpful, sometimes the critique can be quite damming to some who ask.
Always ask expecting the worst and you then learn by what is said.
As in the real female world there are some that are drop dead gorgeous, some so so and some that really need to look after themselves as well.
In the CD world the same applies, there are also those that do not want to look glamorous and just want to appear as men in dresses.
I do not aspire to this ideal as I like to emulate a woman as much as I can.
There is no such thing as a plain boring CD as all our aspirations are different.
Get Luca to ask more questions, make them interesting and appealing and her views are likely to change.
I like to get stuck into conversations now and then and derive great satisfaction if I have a stimulating discussion.
Hi! I think eeveryone here is in the same situation: since each of us is unique in our approach, most of the threads won' relate perfectly to who we are. I don't "fly pretty" but I've read most of the threads describing those experiences because I learn a lot from them. I'm bigendered so have no interest in transitioning, yet the experiences of those who do have given me a lot if insight.
It is our differences that have given me so much help and support, allowing me to be different and proud of it.
Just like every person is different from another, every crossdresser is different from the other as well. I am one who loves being in a suit and tie as much as being in a flattering dress. I just love looking good! I really wish I could snap my fingers and change genders in an instant. There are times in which I stay in male mode for long periods of time and times in which I become my feminine side for other longer periods of time. Your BF can feel at home here, personally I just want everybody to feel happy and express themselves any way they wish.
Thank you all for the nice responses, I do want to clarify though that it's not necessarily because I feel ostracized or anything. I just feel a bit unable to relate here. Now it's worth noting that I'm just not good at having text based conversations, I'm much better at actually connecting in person. That being said, maybe Beverly is right. Maybe I just don't put in that effort and ask engaging questions enough to MAKE that space for myself. You are so kind I feel a little less alone, but don't worry. No one is picking on me :)
I totally get that:DQuote:
I just feel a bit unable to relate here.
Same here I can get my thoughts through much better talking one on one.Quote:
Now it's worth noting that I'm just not good at having text based conversations, I'm much better at actually connecting in person.
Glad to know that. To me it is about just you being YOU and knowing you are not alone and you are supported.Quote:
You are so kind I feel a little less alone, but don't worry. No one is picking on me
Greenie and Luca,
Sounds like Luca is one of the lucky ones, with a great and understanding woman to support him! Many here do NOT have the support of their Significant Others. Often it is kept a deep, dark secret.
It sounds like he was in a good place at the start, basically he was comfortable with himself and knew how he wanted to dress. I am so sorry that reading threads on this forum has caused him to second-guess himself. In many cases, this can cause a shame spiral or depression. I know this all too well, as I have lived in that area most of my adult life.
Luca and I fall into mostly the same category, as I like to hang around in pretty skirts and dresses, maybe some thigh high stockings and heels occasionally. I never wear makeup, I tried a wig one time and it was itchy and hot. I have no desire to leave the house dressed up, or try and "pass". I am happy with both my boy parts and my girl parts. Together, they make me me.
I hope Greenie and Luca find a place here where they can find some useful information and maybe a few new friends.
Hey, Greenie. CDing is like eating a Reese's Cup. There's no wrong way. Tell Luca to jump into the threads and discuss whatever he wants. It's a nice community with room for everyone.
Edit: Hey, Luca! I didn't read the whole thread and did not realize you posted. Please don't feel alone. We are here to support you.
After reading this whole tread I can relate to you. When I first came to this site and than finally joined, I felt like a duck out of water. After many months and reading I did start to post and to start a few threads. You are not alone. I look at some of the avatars and want to burn all my clothes and than others make me try harder. I have gone out in public a few times and have had maybe a dozen makeovers, but that's just me. I have realized that everyone on here is different and each has her own little glitch. Some are not always nice in their comments but 99% are supportive. You are luck that your SO is on your side. My SO is trully supportive and I feel lucky. I'll read a thread and if I don't like it, I move to another. I love it here and you will to. Where else can you get support for free and take or leave whatever info you want to use.
I can understand Luca's original concerns. After reading more and more of the threads on the forum, a theme becomes apparent, some girls describe CDing as a transition. You'll go from wearing panties, to dressing fully, to venturing out and then transitioning to a female. Some even venture to insinuate that this will happen to you too. If you don't believe it you're only fooling yourself.
After a while it's become a bit clearer, these girls are very enthusiastic about what they've discovered about themselves and want to share it with the world. That's wonderful, I'm very happy for them.
But not everyone feels the same or will travel that same path.
I can only speak for myself here, but my "interest" in dressing is an outlet for me to express and experience my feminine side. The part that for so long felt it had to be "hidden" from the world. Now I have a fun outlet for those feelings.
The unintuitive consequence is by expressing my feminine feelings I'm a better man to my wife, daughter, family and most of all, me.
The truth is I dress for me and me alone. It's something that completes me as a human being. I'm content with dressing at home and taking photos. In my mind it's a very self oriented and loving manner in which to treat myself.
I've no interest in going out in public, or in transitioning. Sorry to you girls on the "forefront" of the battle for acceptance, but this girl will not be out and about pushing the boundaries.
This forum does fulfill something wonderful, it's a living demonstration that I'm not alone or "weird" because I find it fun to dress in women's things. That in itself is amazing.
Thank you.
Amanda
You know Greenie, I think each of us needs to work it out for ourselves, because we are all different.
Though we have many things in common, working out an expression of ourselves, and the balance, is very much an individual thing.
I'm glad he has you to support him.
And I am a man, who expresses himself as a woman sometimes.
I too love my wife and sons too much to do anything else.
Cross dresser, TG, I don't care really, just glad to be at peace.
Greenie, do you really think we're boring? We come in so may flavors, how could you possibly be bored? :heehee:
I want to dress all the time, but don't 'cause the guys I work with would either tease me mercilessly or challenge me to a fight. Consequently, I dress at home, and I'm not afraid to answer the door... I don't go out, but I don't need to in order to be validated.Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn
Luca's certainly a welcome participant, and her thoughts are every bit as valid as everyone else's...Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy R lynn
Absolutely. We're all in this together. Being or feeling feminine, and going out crossdressed amongst the general population, are two separate areas of involvement. I'm "in-house", and like it that way. I don't need validation from society to like myself. I like being me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nyla F
Precisely. Eryn has it right: this is not a competition. Find what works for you, and find happiness therein.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eryn
I find myself perusing a vast myriad of posted threads, all quite informative and fascinating... my "girl" side is naturally inquisitive, and maybe drawn to the drama of it all... I like watching "Real Housewives", too!Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee3
Our commonality, the clothing... and all the related trappings of femininity... constitute a bonding experience... can I get a group hug? :hugs:
Greenie, I commend you. "Different strokes for different folks". Many varieties of crossdressing, all valid. None better than another, just a wide spectrum. Those who can't entertaintain another's viewpoint, and embrace it for what it is... yeah, I wish they'd just stop, or just go away...:straightface:Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenie
I like what Heather said... and agree completely! :thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by heatherdress
Cheryl has it right, IMHO. Our common bond of sisterhood as crossdressers, and the SO's, family members, friends, and supporters we cherish. Without a supportive environment, we'd likely wind up detached and alone in our old age, wondering "what if"...Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheryl T
Thank goodness we hava a place to congregate. :)
Thank you, Amanda. I completely agree. I don't mind being labeled as "weird"; I actually like it. It's just that when my GF includes "sick" or "icky" that I tell her we met on the Internet, and she can go back and find someone else if she so desires. So far she hasn't... must be my redeeming qualities! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Amanda Jean