Originally Posted by
DebbieL
Keep in mind that transgendered boys often realize they want to be girls when they are very young, but almost as soon as they are aware that there is a difference, and that they want to be a girl, there is extreme pressure, including verbal harassment, violence, terror, torture, physical abuse, and even sexual abuse - all under the direct supervision of teachers, gym teachers, and athletic coaches - starting as young as SIX YEARS OLD.
When I was playing with the girls and enjoying it, I was just one of the girls, but when I was at a girls house and we traded clothes, - me and 4 other girls, the girl's mom saw me in her daughter's dress and had a fit. She told me to get dressed, threatened to beat me severely if I ever came back, and called all of the other moms to make sure that their daughters didn't play with me either.
The next monday, at school, the girls wouldn't play with me, so I tried to play with the boys. The literally started to STONE me, throwing rocks about the size of golf-balls at my head. One finally hit me in the eye and I ended up in the nurses office.
Over the next 4 years, I had spinal injuries, nearly died of chigella, was beaten with sticks, pipes, and chains, often until I was bloody. Boys always wanted to fight me - because they knew they could win. I had bloody noses, scars in both eyes, arms, and back.
There is really only one way to survive, and that is to split yourselves into two sides. You create a public facade, almost entirely phony, a "normal" boy, who has no desire to be a girl, no desire to have sex with anyone - male or female, or only wants sex with very feminine women, and in every other way, try to be as clean-cut as possible. The "front" may go to church, be an outstanding student, and may even be unusually nice.
Then there is the other self - the secret self, that you may tell NO ONE about. She is your "true self" - and she wants to be seduced, wooed, and be lured into mad passionate love-making. The imaginary partner may be a woman, but in every way, the rest of the fantasy is of being seduced by a partner who would take the male role - even if she's wearing a beautiful satin dress, silk stockings, and high heels. There are often fantasies of female domination, even being raped by women.
The fantasies are rarely of men, because our experience of males is as tormentors. The boys were the ones who humiliated us verbally, beat us physically, tortured us, and terrorized us. It's not surprising that we have a hard time having fantasies of sex with men.
But for those who are lucky enough to actually get the courage to "go public" with our sexual identity, they often find the support in the gay community, from men who, as boys, experienced the same kinds of humiliation, torture, and terror, and can be very compassionate, and affectionate.
We also find that the really attractive feminine women, are attracted to the alpha males. We find that we are approached by women who are more masculine - tom-boys, and who tend to dress and act a bit more masculine.
When we actually begin to experience being seduced as our "true selves" - being dressed and feminine, a change occurs.
In our male mode, we may seem asexual, unresponsive, awkward, self-conscious. We often avoid intimacy. At best, we focus on pleasing our partners, with very little attention on letting them please us. This is because true intimacy is not possible - unless we are able to be our true selves, which includes the dress.
But when we put on the dress, and go out in public, something interesting happens.
Woman aren't attracted, in fact many even try to avoid us. However, in the right environments, there are a number of bisexual men who find us very appealing indeed. They are more than willing to treat us the way we have wanted to be treated all these years. They are willing to woo us, seduce us, caress us, and make love to us - in our feminine lingerie, letting us look and feel feminine, maintaining the illusion for ourselves.
Some may even want to help us make the transition - if we are ready.
The tragedy is that this sometimes happens AFTER we have made commitments to wives, children, jobs, community, and public positions. It's no longer practical to just disappear and become our "true selves".
For wives who have always found us a bit aloof, because they didn't know about the dressing, or when they found out, couldn't accept it. What they didn't understand was that there was a very important part of our personality which could ONLY be accessed through our feminine side. Our capacity to love, to be intimate, to be vulnerable, to be emotional, to be loved, was only available in the part of our personality we had to hide for a decade or two.
In the ideal word, many of us would love it if our wives could act more like men, could seduce us, woo us, sweep us away, and make mad passionate love to us, forcefully and intensely. We'd love it if the lovemaking didn't stop with that first orgasm, the wet one, but would continue for multiple climaxes - until we are the ones quivering like jello in total bliss.
And then, the next night, we'd like to return the favor - to our wonderful lovers.
If the person who taps that desire, and actually gives us some version of that fantasy happens to be a man, it's highly unlikely that we would want to say "no I never want to do that again". The partner might be a masculine woman, with a baritone voice, 30 or 50 lbs overweight, and strong muscular legs and big arms - and we'd be their slave for life if they asked us. The partner might be a feminine woman, who has learned the art of seduction, is bisexual, and loves making love to women as well as men, and finds in us the best of both - again, we would give ourselves completely to this women.
Ironically, the woman we would want this with - more than anything else in the world, would be our own wives. Many of us fantasize about our wives forcing us to wear the clothes, dressing us up, making us act feminine, and then seducing us slowly. There are many many many stories and fantasies of women who force-feminize their husbands - even seducing them anally and chastising them - giving them access to multiple orgasms. And they are very popular among transgendered men.
Keep in mind that these men were FORCED to behave as men, and for many, having similar persuasion to be able to be their true selves - would be the ultimate fantasy. It would allow them to break through all of the shame, guilt, repression, fear, doubt, terror, and conditioning imposed from age six to age sixteen.
