It's very interesting that so many are using the sexual binary argument and decrying the use of labels as if we (my side of the argument) are the ones doing the labeling. We are not. We are actually trying to liberate the closeted from the label of "straight". I am not insisting that a CD who desires sex with a man is gay. I'm merely taking issue with the use of the word straight to describe them. Don't wanna label yourself? Great. Don't swing into a thread proclaiming your straightness, then close with "unless I'm Anita" or whoever.

Sally quoted me and others and proceeded to educate us on how little fantasies mean to the real world or sexuality and frankly I couldn't agree more. I never said or meant to infer that fantasies about anything made you anything. My exact quote from Sally's rebuttal was "Men who have other than hetero desires may not be gay, but they sure as hell ain't straight either". The key word is DESIRE. A fantasy is one thing but a desire is something different. Again, the act of desiring does NOT make you gay, but please be honest with yourself, it doesn't make you straight. I'm talking about recurring desire as well. Not recurring fantasy or an out of the blue instance. Shoot I don't even believe that gay SEX makes you gay. If you're inclined to experiment and it isn't your thing than I would never argue that you were gay UNLESS you had frequent desire that you just couldn't reconcile. You see DESIRE is the trick here. What you want to do, but don't for some reason. If you desire men on any level but don't explore it because you're married than good for you. BUT you're only "straight" because of circumstances then right? Which is still totally fine as long as you can be honest with yourself.

You know, ...I read some of these posts and I could have written them myself a few years ago. I was socialized in a hyper masculine environment as well and my "gay" feelings are as old as my adolescence. I desired a "faceless" man since my first erection and for many years (after I learned to rationalize things), I thought that my attraction to men was purely sexual. I had and still do have an emotional attraction to women, but when I was feeling frisky I would always desire a masculine companion. I would always say things to myself like, I only want men when I'm already aroused, or I don't find men attractive they're gross. This is the stuff I needed. I needed it to keep myself clinging to the pathetic fantasy that I was hetero. I never cross dressed because I already had my hands full with my full blown case of denial.

Obviously things have changed for me. I finally found the strength to accept I was gay (or so I thought) which eventually led me to my sublimated gender issue which eventually led me to my current path of transition. The truth is I find men to be VERY attractive. I ran into a guy at the gas station Friday afternoon who had the most beautiful eyes. He was asking me about my FJ (dudes LOVE my little truck) and telling me about his and I could barely stop noticing how cute and rugged he was at the same time. If I wouldn't have been in Bakersfield I would have flirted with him, but instead we just small talked and that was it. This is a freedom I could have never even dreamed about when I was a closet queen. I would have never let myself even notice much less enjoy an innocent encounter with a nice guy. I don't want labels for you, I want freedom and I want peace. These things are impossible without acceptance and it has to start with yourself.