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Thread: An outburst from a new member.

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    An outburst from a new member.

    hi i'm new here, more or less actually, i've known the forum for a few years but i come here just to read. I have been in a relationship with my wife for 16 years. Our marriage is good, we have a child and when we got married she already knew my secret. But today she doesn't accept it at all, it's very difficult. I don't have any alone time for cding, and my only option at the moment was my therapist who suggested I get dressed during therapy.
    Someone goes through this situation when, at the time of dating, she already knew and even accepted to practice with me, but after the marriage it got worse until it reached the point of her not accepting even if I did it alone.
    lately I've been taking medications for depression and anxiety and this affects my libido a little, and it also reduces my desire to dress a little, but there isn't a day that I don't think about it, even with a lesser desire. I want to keep my marriage but I'm at a point where I can't even talk about this with my wife about this desire.

    edit I'm 35yrs old.

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    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    I really do not know what to say. I feel for you but I have no advice. I am sure there are other here that are smarter than me that might be of help.

    Natalie

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    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    Hello JuJU;

    It doesn't seem fair to have to "roll back" acceptance or even acknowledgement after 16 years. Since your marriage is good, you may want to just have a chat and ask for some time during the week to dress even if it's alone.
    Has your wife expressed any concerns or reasons for the reversal ? Is she concerned about how your child will perceive things ?
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    thanks, I know it's a delicate situation. my wife is a good partner apart from this subject. If I never mention this subject everything goes well, but sometimes the desire comes strong.

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    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forums!

    I'm going to be blunt here, please don't get offended, but just think about what I say.

    I'm hearing a lot of "me, me, me" here, with no thought about how your wife feels. From the math, you got married when you were 19, before either of you could properly figure out who you each were. She accepted your x-dressing in the beginning, but now rejects it.

    Hmmmmmm, I wonder what could ever cause such a change of mind.... Perhaps the idea that the two of you are PARENTS, with a child to raise?

    You state that you are in therapy, and taking medications for depression & anxiety. Perhaps your wife, and mother of your child, is concerned that you have become obsessed about crossdressing, and that she fears for the future of the marriage, her & her child's future and wellbeing?

    I'm not a doctor or therapist, but might I suggest that you both go to couples counselling, in order to set things straight.

    A successful marriage is based on Communication, Cooperation, Consideration, and Compromise. The 4 C's are the bedrock. Sure, sex & passion are great for a starter, and mutual kinks help, but you CANNOT build a relationship just on that. And it CANNOT be all about what YOU want, or what SHE wants. Eventually, the other spouse is gonna get sick and tired of playing second fiddle.

    And there are a lot of folk on this site who will crucify me for speaking out, but guess what kids? If you are in a relationship, you must needs make compromises. I always laugh at the indigent posts that basically say "How DARE she put limits on what I can do!!!!!"

    Enough said. This will probably get edited or deleted because it slaps both the 'woe is me' and the "I want what I want" tropes with a harsh dose of reality.

    Good luck and well wishes on your journey jujudreaming
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly DeWinter View Post
    Hello JuJU;

    It doesn't seem fair to have to "roll back" acceptance or even acknowledgement after 16 years. Since your marriage is good, you may want to just have a chat and ask for some time during the week to dress even if it's alone.
    Has your wife expressed any concerns or reasons for the reversal ? Is she concerned about how your child will perceive things ?
    we waited a long time to have our only child. 8 years to be exact, and during all that time she always knew my wish so I get a little hurt and the last time we talked I don't think I'm okay yet, she always knew it won't go away. In the beginning she accepted letting me dress with her and have sex; but over time I think she was creating concerns, with things like what if I'm trans or gay. She doesn't claim it but I believe she cares about it, but I lead a "socially acceptable" life, I'm a good father and a good husband apart from that. I don't feel like doing this in front of my daughter. I wanted some time alone, in my room, no one needed to know, but now she doesn't accept me even alone, I spend very little time alone at home, I work a lot and the rest of the day I'm always with them at home.

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    I would love to give you suggestions and opinions to make things better but it would be coming from someone who has no training in this matter and would most likely make things worse. Form your post you both were young when you got married and 16 years is a huge investment in each other and in addition to that, you have an impressionable age child.
    What I can tell you is, I believe having a good therapist can help you work through this. I never believed in therapy UNTIL I went to one and they helped me remove a huge burden I was carrying which allowed me to proceed to a good place. They didn't tell me what to do but guided me to make my own decisions and I've been forever grateful.
    I've been reading post on this website for several years before I joined and found I'm not as unique as I thought and neither are you or your situation. I wish the best for you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    Welcome to the forums!

    I'm going to be blunt here, please don't get offended, but just think about what I say.

    I'm hearing a lot of "me, me, me" here, with no thought about how your wife feels. From the math, you got married when you were 19, before either of you could properly figure out who you each were. She accepted your x-dressing in the beginning, but now rejects it.

    Hmmmmmm, I wonder what could ever cause such a change of mind.... Perhaps the idea that the two of you are PARENTS, with a child to raise?

    You state that you are in therapy, and taking medications for depression & anxiety. Perhaps your wife, and mother of your child, is concerned that you have become obsessed about crossdressing, and that she fears for the future of the marriage, her & her child's future and wellbeing?

    I'm not a doctor or therapist, but might I suggest that you both go to couples counselling, in order to set things straight.

    A successful marriage is based on Communication, Cooperation, Consideration, and Compromise. The 4 C's are the bedrock. Sure, sex & passion are great for a starter, and mutual kinks help, but you CANNOT build a relationship just on that. And it CANNOT be all about what YOU want, or what SHE wants. Eventually, the other spouse is gonna get sick and tired of playing second fiddle.

    And there are a lot of folk on this site who will crucify me for speaking out, but guess what kids? If you are in a relationship, you must needs make compromises. I always laugh at the indigent posts that basically say "How DARE she put limits on what I can do!!!!!"

    Enough said. This will probably get edited or deleted because it slaps both the 'woe is me' and the "I want what I want" tropes with a harsh dose of reality.

    Good luck and well wishes on your journey jujudreaming
    I don't feel offended, I understand everything you mean, I only disagree with the part of telling me me me, because we only live on her terms, well at least so that everything will be alright.

    about having a child we had a lot of time to think, and up until that moment she still "accepted" me.
    We had several achievements together, like our home, but after a while her willingness to be with me on this side was gone.

    and I know we made mistakes during that time, but who never did, right.

  9. #9
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    @jujudreaming

    "...we only live on her terms..." In regards to other decisions, or only your crossdressing?

    I don't expect you to give us a day-to-day rundown of your 16 year marriage, but if ALL decisions are made by her, and you just accede to them, then couples counseling is even more important, since you have ignored the '4 C's"
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    @jujudreaming

    "...we only live on her terms..." In regards to other decisions, or only your crossdressing?

    I don't expect you to give us a day-to-day rundown of your 16 year marriage, but if ALL decisions are made by her, and you just accede to them, then couples counseling is even more important, since you have ignored the '4 C's"

    what I meant about her terms is about not letting me dress, but at weddings there are many nuances and the rest we get along well, I think I'm expressing myself badly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sherie View Post
    I would love to give you suggestions and opinions to make things better but it would be coming from someone who has no training in this matter and would most likely make things worse. Form your post you both were young when you got married and 16 years is a huge investment in each other and in addition to that, you have an impressionable age child.
    What I can tell you is, I believe having a good therapist can help you work through this. I never believed in therapy UNTIL I went to one and they helped me remove a huge burden I was carrying which allowed me to proceed to a good place. They didn't tell me what to do but guided me to make my own decisions and I've been forever grateful.
    I've been reading post on this website for several years before I joined and found I'm not as unique as I thought and neither are you or your situation. I wish the best for you.


    I'm doing this with my therapist, in her opinion I need to do this even without her knowing, then I get into a big conflict, thinking I'm being selfish with my family.

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    It's your therapist job to help you find your conflicts and help you work your way through them

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    That is a tough but familiar situation. I would not presume to offer advice on your relationship beyond these two things:

    Be considerate of you wife and kind to yourself.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

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    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jujudreaming View Post
    what I meant about her terms is about not letting me dress, but at weddings there are many nuances and the rest we get along well, I think I'm expressing myself badly.





    I'm doing this with my therapist, in her opinion I need to do this even without her knowing, then I get into a big conflict, thinking I'm being selfish with my family.
    The first bolded sentence is confusing, and I have no clue as to what you are trying to convey.

    The second bolded statement I quoted is a definite RED FLAG indicating you should find another therapist! I cannot imagine ANY competent therapist suggesting that you sneak around your spouses back, and against her wishes! That's just gonna lead to trouble.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I think what you have to realize is that she probably never “accepted” it. She probably tolerated it. Some women make the mistake of getting into a relationship with men with “flaws” thinking that they can correct the behavior, and I’m guessing this is close to your situation. She probably figured she could change you or you’d grow out of it or whatever. Let me warn you that I don’t think your relationship is in a good place right now.

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    As a psychotherapist since the mid 70's, let me offer a couple of thoughts to consider.

    I'm not sure what problem you went to your therapist with, but it doesn't sound like you are getting it addressed satisfactorily. It doesn't sound like your crossdressing is your problem. It sounds like your situation with your wife is the problem. Dressing in your therapist's office doesn't seem to be addressing anything effectively. I doubt it is very satisfactory for you, and doesn't address the real problem at all.

    In your writings, so far, (and, that is all we have to go on.), it seems that your dressing is "Ego Syntonic". In other words, you are OK with it. (The opposite is Ego Dystonic. That means that you are doing something that you do not like, and possibly would like to stop doing.)

    I am loath to make too many suggestion to someone who is not my patient. But, in my experience, many couples choose an arena in which to fight because the real problem is seen as potentially fatal to the relationship. This is seen by a competent therapist as a good thing. First, it means the "arena" they are fighting in is not seen as a killer situation. And, the choice to pick an "arena", rather than chance destroying the relationship, often means that they are both invested in maintaining the relationship.

    In your situation, it sounds like fighting over your crossdressing is preferable to addressing something else that scares both of you even more.

    The first psychiatrist I ever worked for taught me the psychotherapy "rule of threes". He always asked a new patient to list three things that the pt. wanted addressed. He said that they almost always listed something safe to talk about as number one. The real problem was usually number three. (I won't bore you with the techniques to engage, but you get the idea.)

    I found his counsel to be very effective over my entire career.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by VtVicky; 09-13-2021 at 10:36 PM.

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    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I am with VtVicky, in fact I was going to mention this before I read all the responses, but I to have to wonder if there is not some other friction in the marriage and this is the easiest one to pick on.

    You both need counseling, not just about your desire to dress, but to get you marriage back on track. My bet there is something else going on and the relationship isn't very solid. My bet is you both have moved apart over the years. Jobs and family get in between the husband and wife and slowly erode the relationship.

    When was the last time you two went on a "date", just the two of you, no friends. Just the two of you and a quiet dinner, a walk in the park, just some quiet time together and sit and talk.

    My wife jokes about our dates to the home center to buy stuff for remodel projects. We walk around the store, look at different things and just visit. Once in a while we end up sitting in the garden center, sitting on deck furniture and talking.

    We have been married for 38 years and dating for forty years.

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    Junior Member Tanya J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    Welcome to the forums!

    I'm going to be blunt here, please don't get offended, but just think about what I say.

    I'm hearing a lot of "me, me, me" here, with no thought about how your wife feels. From the math, you got married when you were 19, before either of you could properly figure out who you each were. She accepted your x-dressing in the beginning, but now rejects it.

    Hmmmmmm, I wonder what could ever cause such a change of mind.... Perhaps the idea that the two of you are PARENTS, with a child to raise?

    You state that you are in therapy, and taking medications for depression & anxiety. Perhaps your wife, and mother of your child, is concerned that you have become obsessed about crossdressing, and that she fears for the future of the marriage, her & her child's future and wellbeing?

    I'm not a doctor or therapist, but might I suggest that you both go to couples counselling, in order to set things straight.

    A successful marriage is based on Communication, Cooperation, Consideration, and Compromise. The 4 C's are the bedrock. Sure, sex & passion are great for a starter, and mutual kinks help, but you CANNOT build a relationship just on that. And it CANNOT be all about what YOU want, or what SHE wants. Eventually, the other spouse is gonna get sick and tired of playing second fiddle.

    And there are a lot of folk on this site who will crucify me for speaking out, but guess what kids? If you are in a relationship, you must needs make compromises. I always laugh at the indigent posts that basically say "How DARE she put limits on what I can do!!!!!"

    Enough said. This will probably get edited or deleted because it slaps both the 'woe is me' and the "I want what I want" tropes with a harsh dose of reality.

    Good luck and well wishes on your journey jujudreaming
    I agree we have to be understanding that the women in our life are tolerating this. She did not grow up dreaming that prince charming would want to dress as a princess. Now with the little one she has a protective instinct that is every bit as strong as your instinct to dress. Just focus on your marriage and be happy with that. In my experience women are naturally empathetic to most things they don't find threatening. It might take time but my guess is that if you want her to continue to accept this part of you then you will need to do your part for however long you have to so that she knows you are committed to being her partner and keeping the family safe.

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    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    You didn't say how old your child is.
    I would suggest the old adage, "having a child changes everything".
    Perhaps she's looking at a bigger picture than you are. She may be considering your child, it's growth, your desires and finding that they all don't mesh.

    Talk to her.
    You are married. This is a partnership and you have to be able to talk to each other with Every concern and work together to grow your marriage and care for the well being of your child. If you can't talk to each other and work together then there's only one solution ...
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

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    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    It sounds to me like your marriage is in trouble. Marriages only work when both partners communicate and r willing to compromise.

    Juju, u make it sound like your wife's the boss and u do her bidding. My ex became that way years after we married. (It didn't involve CDing.) Over the years I began to just put up with her rants rather than get into arguments. When we tried couples therapy, I found out my resentment to her tyranny had built to the breaking point. But, when I began speaking up, it was too late! She was too used to getting her way and wouldn't compromise! Result? End of marriage!

    Don't make the same mistake I did. Stand up for yourself!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    I'm with Sherry on this one. After my kids were born, my first wife became the self styled boss. It is unfortunately all too common that a woman enters marriage with an agenda. Thinking it's just easier to play along and hope that things might improve is a fool's game, it will never get better without outside help and even then the chances are pitiful. Seeing as your wife knew what she was getting into from the beginning, there is no justification for her behaviour (we are assuming that you really are a dutiful husband).

    I have a friend who is going through this now, wife knew from the third date and was totally fine with it. These days it is just animosity towards the dressing despite it not being frequent and let me tell you my friend is the epitome of wonderful husbands, very hard worker and massively helpful around the house.

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    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    I have to way in here. I kind of have the same situation. Early years of being together we went out together, good fun. Kids came along and that kind of stopped. Then I was told that she was not a supporter and didn't want to see me dressed. I understand so into I went. Now I have a storage locker which works fine. I guess mine situation is different in the fact that the wife says she doesn't care, I don't if thats true or not but it works out. I am thinking about pushing the situation and just saying I'm going out to my support group and then go dress and go out. I kind of think I should step out a little more. Now I have been with my with this woman 40+ years. So I think all will be fine I just have to get over my guilt about dressing.
    So my advice is get a locker maybe a support group and couples counseling Good luck its a tough situation
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    The first bolded sentence is confusing, and I have no clue as to what you are trying to convey.

    The second bolded statement I quoted is a definite RED FLAG indicating you should find another therapist! I cannot imagine ANY competent therapist suggesting that you sneak around your spouses back, and against her wishes! That's just gonna lead to trouble.
    The first one I mentioned is that in other aspects of the marriage we do well in general, of course all couples have one or another problem that I consider simpler at the moment..

    about therapy is complicated because while she thinks I should satisfy my desire, but I think she imagines that I'm practicing maybe that desire disappears. I also don't know if it's the best way and I have doubts.


    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    I think what you have to realize is that she probably never “accepted” it. She probably tolerated it. Some women make the mistake of getting into a relationship with men with “flaws” thinking that they can correct the behavior, and I’m guessing this is close to your situation. She probably figured she could change you or you’d grow out of it or whatever. Let me warn you that I don’t think your relationship is in a good place right now.
    I think this is true because she already mentioned it, that she thought I would change. In fact, it was never 100% acceptance at first.


    Quote Originally Posted by VtVicky View Post
    As a psychotherapist since the mid 70's, let me offer a couple of thoughts to consider.

    I'm not sure what problem you went to your therapist with, but it doesn't sound like you are getting it addressed satisfactorily. It doesn't sound like your crossdressing is your problem. It sounds like your situation with your wife is the problem. Dressing in your therapist's office doesn't seem to be addressing anything effectively. I doubt it is very satisfactory for you, and doesn't address the real problem at all.

    In your writings, so far, (and, that is all we have to go on.), it seems that your dressing is "Ego Syntonic". In other words, you are OK with it. (The opposite is Ego Dystonic. That means that you are doing something that you do not like, and possibly would like to stop doing.)

    I am loath to make too many suggestion to someone who is not my patient. But, in my experience, many couples choose an arena in which to fight because the real problem is seen as potentially fatal to the relationship. This is seen by a competent therapist as a good thing. First, it means the "arena" they are fighting in is not seen as a killer situation. And, the choice to pick an "arena", rather than chance destroying the relationship, often means that they are both invested in maintaining the relationship.

    In your situation, it sounds like fighting over your crossdressing is preferable to addressing something else that scares both of you even more.

    The first psychiatrist I ever worked for taught me the psychotherapy "rule of threes". He always asked a new patient to list three things that the pt. wanted addressed. He said that they almost always listed something safe to talk about as number one. The real problem was usually number three. (I won't bore you with the techniques to engage, but you get the idea.)

    I found his counsel to be very effective over my entire career.

    Good luck.
    This wasn't the first issue I brought up in therapy, I have issues with anxiety, problems with my mom, and one of the first issues I brought up in therapy was the fact that I was abused as a child.
    In fact, dressing in the office hasn't satisfied my desire, because I'm in front of someone with whom I'm not intimate enough to act as I'd like. I'm shy and not very comfortable.
    as I said in an answer above, I think the therapist imagines that she can "cure" me by letting me get my wish and maybe it will go away little by little.
    about the ego i say that if i could choose i didn't want to have that wish, i feel guilty, especially after i fulfill it.
    in fact both of us have done our best to maintain the marriage, I try not to pester her. She tries to please me in other ways.

    i appreciate all your words, i know i may sound contradictory in some answers but if i knew all the answers i wouldn't be here venting, am i right?
    Thanks


    Quote Originally Posted by Pumped View Post
    I am with VtVicky, in fact I was going to mention this before I read all the responses, but I to have to wonder if there is not some other friction in the marriage and this is the easiest one to pick on.

    You both need counseling, not just about your desire to dress, but to get you marriage back on track. My bet there is something else going on and the relationship isn't very solid. My bet is you both have moved apart over the years. Jobs and family get in between the husband and wife and slowly erode the relationship.

    When was the last time you two went on a "date", just the two of you, no friends. Just the two of you and a quiet dinner, a walk in the park, just some quiet time together and sit and talk.

    My wife jokes about our dates to the home center to buy stuff for remodel projects. We walk around the store, look at different things and just visit. Once in a while we end up sitting in the garden center, sitting on deck furniture and talking.

    We have been married for 38 years and dating for forty years.
    in fact our marriage is solid, we never part, we never sleep a night without talking. But there are some problems like the question of when we had a date just the two of us. I guarantee you it was before my daughter was born.
    We even went out but with our daughter, alone it has been a long time since we went out. I believe that due to the xdress problem she is a little passive, and for things to happen in bed depend more on my attitude, she has little attitude, I sometimes miss a demonstration of desire on her part. I don't know if it's because of her self-esteem. Congratulations on her lasting relationship, I appreciate that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Tanya J View Post
    I agree we have to be understanding that the women in our life are tolerating this. She did not grow up dreaming that prince charming would want to dress as a princess. Now with the little one she has a protective instinct that is every bit as strong as your instinct to dress. Just focus on your marriage and be happy with that. In my experience women are naturally empathetic to most things they don't find threatening. It might take time but my guess is that if you want her to continue to accept this part of you then you will need to do your part for however long you have to so that she knows you are committed to being her partner and keeping the family safe.
    I understand your point, and that's what I've been trying to do lately, the problem is that sometimes it's frustrating to wait without knowing, the truth is that I feed the desire for her to give in. I have to be the best husband and father for them while I wait.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cheryl T View Post
    You didn't say how old your child is.
    I would suggest the old adage, "having a child changes everything".
    Perhaps she's looking at a bigger picture than you are. She may be considering your child, it's growth, your desires and finding that they all don't mesh.

    Talk to her.
    You are married. This is a partnership and you have to be able to talk to each other with Every concern and work together to grow your marriage and care for the well being of your child. If you can't talk to each other and work together then there's only one solution ...
    is 8 years old, we try to do our best for our daughter because she is not to blame for any of this, so we try not to let it affect her.


    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    It sounds to me like your marriage is in trouble. Marriages only work when both partners communicate and r willing to compromise.

    Juju, u make it sound like your wife's the boss and u do her bidding. My ex became that way years after we married. (It didn't involve CDing.) Over the years I began to just put up with her rants rather than get into arguments. When we tried couples therapy, I found out my resentment to her tyranny had built to the breaking point. But, when I began speaking up, it was too late! She was too used to getting her way and wouldn't compromise! Result? End of marriage!

    Don't make the same mistake I did. Stand up for yourself!
    And that's true, sometimes I feel like she's my mother. To avoid clashes I keep the unpleasant conversations and this has done me wrong. I avoid it because I don't want a divorce. And somehow she manages to manipulate me into getting that way.


    Quote Originally Posted by AngelaYVR View Post
    I'm with Sherry on this one. After my kids were born, my first wife became the self styled boss. It is unfortunately all too common that a woman enters marriage with an agenda. Thinking it's just easier to play along and hope that things might improve is a fool's game, it will never get better without outside help and even then the chances are pitiful. Seeing as your wife knew what she was getting into from the beginning, there is no justification for her behaviour (we are assuming that you really are a dutiful husband).

    I have a friend who is going through this now, wife knew from the third date and was totally fine with it. These days it is just animosity towards the dressing despite it not being frequent and let me tell you my friend is the epitome of wonderful husbands, very hard worker and massively helpful around the house.
    my wedding happens something like that, really.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sallee View Post
    I have to way in here. I kind of have the same situation. Early years of being together we went out together, good fun. Kids came along and that kind of stopped. Then I was told that she was not a supporter and didn't want to see me dressed. I understand so into I went. Now I have a storage locker which works fine. I guess mine situation is different in the fact that the wife says she doesn't care, I don't if thats true or not but it works out. I am thinking about pushing the situation and just saying I'm going out to my support group and then go dress and go out. I kind of think I should step out a little more. Now I have been with my with this woman 40+ years. So I think all will be fine I just have to get over my guilt about dressing.
    So my advice is get a locker maybe a support group and couples counseling Good luck its a tough situation
    sometimes I think if she would just allow me to do that, sometimes I would be more satisfied, but maybe just for a little acceptance from herself. I see myself as selfish with this desire but I don't do it, even so sometimes I see it as selfish for depriving me of it. Don't let me get dressed even alone.
    I think I wanted as little acceptance as possible from her, so it doesn't seem like I'm the only one giving in to marriage, that's a point, because as I've already mentioned, I take medications that are affecting my libido, and so my desire to dress this minor, but I miss that approval, almost like a token of love, I know I'm wrong to think like that.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jujudreaming View Post
    in fact our marriage is solid, we never part, we never sleep a night without talking. But there are some problems like the question of when we had a date just the two of us. I guarantee you it was before my daughter was born.
    We even went out but with our daughter, alone it has been a long time since we went out.
    I don't believer your marriage is as solid as you think. An eight year old child and you two have not gone on a date, just the two of you since before she was born?

    You need to find a baby sitter and start dating that woman again. She needs a break once or twice a month, no children, just the two of you. It doesn't need to be expensive, Dinner at a little pub, a quiet place so you can talk, and a movie, maybe a walk in the park, hold hands, look at her longingly. Women like to feel special. After the kids and jobs come along they loose that and start feeling like a mom and housekeeper.

    There is some truth to the saying "If mama isn't happy nobody is happy".

  24. #24
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    the problem is that she is super resistant to leaving the child with her grandmother, with a nanny even worse, who knows, maybe she is the one who is putting up barriers, I have complained several times that I want to just go out with her. As my daughter was never alone with other people, she also resists. I know I'm here making a lot of excuses, but there are some things that also happen.
    Last edited by char GG; 09-15-2021 at 10:02 PM. Reason: No need to quote the post directly before yours

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
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    It seems to me that if the kid is eight years old and your wife won't leave her with a babysitter once in a while, especially with her own grandmother, that is your wife creating the problem.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

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