Whose decision is it?

[Nicki B]

I agree that a partner has a choice as to whether she wants to stay in the relationship after her husband informs her he intends to transition, and if not immediately, eventually she will come to realize it is also her choice to leave the marriage, but to accuse her of being ignorant, prejudiced and not enlightened discounts her heterosexuality. Not every woman is able to alter her sexuality or live in a platonic marriage to accommodate a transsexual partner.

Reine, forgive me for using your comment to build another discussion on (it's absolutely not meant as an attack on you).

How much choice is there in a relationship and how much should there be?

The focus here is so often on crossdressing (and often the associated deceit), but what if your spouse falls ill, is mutilated, brain injured, or fundamentally changed in some other way, for example so they can no longer have sex?

Does this give anyone the right to say 'the rules have changed and so I'm outta here', or should we pay more attention to the promise many of us made 'for better, for worse, in sickness and in health', etc?

And, if it doesn't - why is cross-dressing different? The assumption, from many posts here, seems to be that it's a choice. The behaviour might be - but how can the thoughts and feelings be?