Well folks, where do I start? This is my first post. I wasn't planning on posting anything anywhere, but rather I was (once again) trying to search for info online about why I sometimes have the tendency to crossdress. I stumbled upon this forum and everyone here seems wonderful and insightful, so here goes.

I'm a 20 year old straight male who has been crossdressing since about age 16. At face-value, I feel like I crossdress because I think it is fun and it makes me feel sexy; I like seeing myself all dressed up. I hid it from my ex-girlfriend for two years because it was rare that I got the urge and I was still exploring whether or not it was something that was going to be a passing ordeal or stick around for the long haul. I still struggle with that. My ex-girlfriend and I still talk (our relationship ended some months ago) and we are on great terms, but my crossdressing was one of the issues that caused our breakup. She basically told me I was freak and had something wrong with me, and I agreed with her and set out to change myself. Here I am, months later, with the help of a great counselor, and I am much wiser than I started off, but still have a lot to learn. My ex and I have just started to talk again, just on friendly terms, and we have talked a little bit about our breakup, including me crossdressing. I still feel a huge amount of guilt about everything, and I haven't crossdressed in about 6 months now because I don't feel like I can enjoy it anymore. I still want to, but I get this feeling of anxiety and guilt that I suppose has something to do with what she'd think about it. She doesn't think I have anything wrong with me anymore, but she is a long stretch from understanding why I crossdress (so am I). My mind tells me there is nothing inherently wrong with it, but I still feel like there is. I still don't know if I need to crossdress or if it's just something that will go away with time. I'm confused on the whole issue really.

I apologize for rambling, I just don't really know where to start. I figured if I just kind of belted out some initial thoughts and feelings, something meaningful would probably eventually follow. Thanks for reading.