Welcome! This lifestyle can take some getting used to, and much of the issues are wrapped up in other issues within our lives. Unraveling all of that is difficult. Let me pull out one string: One of the issues every human has in the process of maturity is minimizing or eliminating the strong desire we all have for the acceptance of others. It is built into our genes and society that "getting the gold star" makes us feel good, and being rejected at any level makes us feel bad. The examples of this in daily life are without limit.
So what about our feminine selves? As soon as we bring this topic up to someone we'd like to be with, and they are repulsed in some way, we have been "rejected" at some level. This just feeds into the general "need" for acceptance and it comes out negative. Would you still feel guilty if your ex-girlfriend had completely accepted your crossdressing self? If she had encouraged you, would you not feel terrific? Is it the acceptance that is the center of the issue?
This is a very difficult issue to address, and crossdressing is not going to be the only topic that forms the structure of your life as you come to grips with acceptance, but understanding that it is there in your life can make things a lot smoother!
We wish you well and are always here for a conversation! Glad to have you with us.
tina
