Confused

[Konfused]

Firstly, and most importantly (at least to me anyway) You are not alone!!!! As you can see we are out there in great numbers.
This means you are not a freak, and there is absolutly nothing wrong with you!
And while it's true that this journy we're on can be difacult at times, keep in mind it's narow minded biggots (like the ex) that make it so. As your go down this road you'll find that more often than not, most people are going to be cool.
A quote that often ops up here is "those that matter don't mind, and those that mind, don't matter". A motto that I've often found to be true up to a certain point.

Thank you for your kind words. I do not believe myself anymore to be a freak or a pervert, but I still do question why it is that I like crossdressing. I think I have mostly accepted the fact that it's something I enjoy, but being a the logically-driven person that I am, I still wonder what it is inside me that has set me apart from the majority of guys who do not enjoy it.

Also, I think that perhaps I misrepresented my ex-girlfriend. She is a lovely, thoughtful girl, and I hid a dark secret of mine from the love of my life for two years and it was sprung on her all at once. She has apologized for her reaction and I absolutely forgive her. We have not explicitly talked about her opinion on crossdressing since we broke up, but regardless of her stance she is not a bigot and she is still one of the best people I have ever met. Whether we part ways for good or not is yet to be seen, but rest assured that whatever happens will occur in the midst of us being 100% transparent of our feelings to each other. Maybe we will decide we are not compatible, or maybe we will decide that we are. Who knows, we will see!

Rambling is fine. Sometimes we have to take the scenic route to find ourselves.

One thing that most of us here agree on almost universally is that crossdressing isn't a disorder that is "curable." You can suppress it (push it back into the closet) but the urge will always be there.

In my case, I hid it from girlfriends and my wife for decades. I also deceived myself, telling myself that it was a perversion that had to be kept secret. The stress of doing so took a toll on me and on my relationships. One day, something prompted me to do a search on the 'net and what I learned there opened my eyes. I learned that CDing is fairly common and is well within the range of normal human behavior. This information, much of it gleaned from this forum, gave me the courage to talk to my wife and to accept my CDing for what it was, simply another way of expressing myself.

I still have bouts with guilt. You don't undo 30+ years of denial with one epiphany. Still, I am far happier now as a self-acknowledging CDer than I was when I was deep in the closet.

So, my message is not to worry so much about your confusion. You don't need an answer today or tomorrow or on any specific date. You'll figure things out when the time is right and in the meantime enjoy the journey. You may well find out things about yourself that you really didn't expect to find!

Keep reading and posting. Talking it through and reading of other people's experiences will help you, just as reading about your experience has helped me. I just wish that I had had your opportunity to come to terms with my CDing at a young age.

Hugs, Eryn

That's for sure. I certainly don't have 30 years under my belt, but I've managed to rack up a pretty heavy amount in a small amount of time. Every time I think I figure something out, I kind of get excited and think that perhaps I'm done and can just relax now, only to realize shortly thereafter that it will always be a learning experience.