Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
and then when i acted, when i transitioned, all those feelings stopped...the more i went down the path, the better i felt..the instant i started HRT i felt better...i knew it was right for me...i just knew..i'm sorry to say that it doesnt get better than that..

post srs, the dead feeling totally went away..the idea of switching genders seems incomprehensible to me....why would anybody do that?..LOL...think about that for a second..it feels to me now that i have always been this way...and what i've found is that its challenging to care about myself!! it's sad to me that i had to give up so much, but its inconceivable to me that i could be male..

in the end, the only way i found to answer the question was to do it...
Well Kaitlyn, all's well that end's well. For me, I have accepted that my life is to be a struggle in this regard. I have tried to share with you some of my feelings, but believe me what I have struggled with in this respect is unimaginable. I have spent MANY A NIGHT BEING UP ALL NIGHT STRUGGLING! That's no exaggeration. All throughout the day my mind is constantly wandering, imagining what I could be doing. I'm constantly bringing it back. That's everyday all the time. If I dared to tell someone how I feel, I would be certainly ridiculed. Even here on this site that is probably the case by my even saying a little bit about how I feel. But that's fine. My life has been always about one struggle or another, so I'm used to it. As you say, a seed will be a seed. In a similar way I will be what I am.