to reine, i think autogynephila is a canard...it is bad science... the reason i say this is twofold.. the theory makes assertions and assumptions that have no basis in anything..it undermines the credibility of it...its based on very little science...
secondly, it covers up the very real issue that lots of transsexuals develop a sexuality that includes being transsexual or gender variant behavior..calling it autogynephilia and inventing reasons why it exists misses the point... its more productive to simply understand it is a fact that a transsexual is often turned on by "transsexual thoughts".. a crossdresser is turned on by these thoughts as well... its just a fact...only the person having the thoughts can really tell the difference...its not helpful information for someone trying to better understand the possibilities for their spouse ...

in my earlier years, i was told sexually pleasurable thoughts precluded a "diagnosis of TS"..i don't think GID quite existed in those days... i was told to not feel guilty and enjoy being a crossdresser...that was bad advice...it goes both ways..mistakes are made in life.

Twenty years later i ignored that advice and went through with it, and i'll keep harping on it...i had doubts right up to the end..i had many ideas in my head about how i was doing a wrong thing...but it worked...all the doubt vanished... life is not perfect, i am faced with my 46 years of maleness all the time...but so what...it's not my fault that renee richards couldn't feel like a woman... i read what she says and all i can say is she is nothing like me...i can't help it that charles kane is a bit of an impulsive loon...
the only information this brings to the table is that OF COURSE its possible to regret this HUGE LIFE change.....but the VAST MAJORITY of transitioners DO NOT regret it...i think that's important...if i go for life saving surgery, i'm not turning it down because it might not work..


also reine once that disconnect happens, isnt it is very uncommon to get it back?...its possible, but when a loving wife "falls out of love" thats a big deal.. when the love is there, lots of things can be forgiven and tolerated... so again...i'm a pragmatist...if you are still in love, then go for it...get in there and prod and poke...you have the right if you are married to someone with this issue...but in the end, you can never control what you find...lots of people put fears under the rug...it takes alot of courage for a spouse to try to deal with this...it sucks to wonder if there is something in his life bigger than the marriage.... if out of love...then to me that's it...he's not there...its always nice to know why, but its usually better to just move on..ending marriage hurts, but extending it and knowing it will end is worse imho...