Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
Leslie L.
Reading your post several times, I don't get the wife's "total rejection" of who you are. You year-round body shave, go out, have friends and a wardrobe. She just doesn't want to participate and doesn't want you to out yourself. I don't see that as total rejection, unless by that you mean anything short of total acceptance. My first wife, having never seen me dressed, nor pictures of me dressed, nor found my clothes, nor anthing other than having awareness that I crossdressed, deemed that as a deal-breaker and divorced me, being unable to be married to a crossdresser. I've read many other cases like mine here on the forum. Many CD's here wouold like that DADT arrangement, as it sure beats total rejection and divorce. The woman I am now married to accepts but doesn't participate, so I do my thing without her. She also doesn't hunt and fish with me. So I do them without her and don't see it as total rejection of who I am. Leslie, if all you are is a CD, then I can see it as toal rejection. But if you are more than that, she is only rejecting the CD. Consider the glass half-full.
Nicole, you make some excellent points.

There are many in these pages who would give their right arm for Leslie's DADT situation, or for mine as well. Yet which is it, a longing to be able to share an integral part of our very being with the one we love most in this world or simply pushing that envelop as far as we can and then wanting still more???

The joys I experience go for the most part unshared. It's separate where we should be shared. It's alone where we should be together, at least in a "how was your day today honey?" instead of utter silence as if the day never happened. It's the absolute exhaustion that comes with the hiding to keep it out of her sight, and the sneaking when it comes to having to conjure stories about where I am...not to her but to everyone else.

Then there is the pure frustration of the separation in general. Yes, I want more than DADT. Do I want my wife to go running around town with me? It happens that I don't. I cannot think of anything more horrifying on a personal level. This is because when out with any natal female friend, I used to put an inordinate amount of pressure on myself to measure up and would get really down if I was perceived as anything less than a female. I've pretty much gotten away from this mentality but I can see it coming back in spades should my wife accompany me. It's not something she desires and I am all good with that. But still, I do wish for more on the home front.

Just as I am certain she wishes for less.