Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
I'm writing first, then I'll read the other replies because it looks like a lot of thought was poured into them.

Leslie, our situations are remarkably similar. My wife has an added burden in that there is a lingering fear on her part that next week, next month, next year, perhaps whenever, perhaps never...I could transition.

A lot of us exist with negotiated boundaries as you have discussed, or in my case, a combination of negotiations and my pushing the envelop well beyond her comfort level. But at the end of the day, like you, there is a solid foundation to our marriage which reminds me why we're still together (as I hate to say it but I would have likely left me long ago).

And remember, you cannot remotely compare the women we meet in our day to day lives with the level of acceptance afforded by a spouse. TG's are way cool, great to have as friends. We're fun, we are unique, and can be such conversation pieces. But those same women who think we're terrific wouldn't be so likely to think so if it were next to them in their own bed, so to speak.

So hang in there and hopefully she will too. May she never forget the qualities she adores that make you the wonderful human being that you are.
Could is such an important word in so many contexts. for those of us with serious illness--I have lung cancer--I COULD die sooner rather than later. Yes, you COULD transition down the road, or tomorrow but it is such a conditional word that sometimes life just seems to stop for the person whose every waking moment is fixed on the thought.. The trick--for all of us--is to look at the future, plan for things ahead that allows us to keep moving forward (despite the handicaps) and , in the end, "no one gets out alive" (or maybe we all transition). It is a real problem to remain positive , and that, in your case, you won't transition, and your wife will live happily ever after. It is so easy to talk ourselves into the darkness and breaking that pattern is hard as hell. Letting go (of a person or idea) is part of the process to a renewed self.