Debunking: "I like women's clothes"

[ReineD]

An even simpler explanation is that to me, women have it better in everything--they get to express their gender without reprisal, they get to be emotional without judgement, they are pampered and cared for, they are into dialog instead of competition (typically), they get to be taken sexually, their sexuality is more holistic than focused, they are softer. The list goes on and on.

I'm saying this with kindness: I appreciate that you enjoy being feminine, but you're idealizing what a woman's life is. I was not pampered and cared for, and neither are the many divorced women/single mothers in our country who struggle to make ends meet with not enough child support money. No one buys them nice things and takes them away for nice vacations, or does their heavy chores. Also, women can't be emotional on the job any more than men can. If they are, they'll be seen as not able to cope and they'll get passed over for promotions. We women must also be strong for our children. Kids are able to understand when either dad or mom are sad, but it's hard on them to see either parent cry.

As to being taken sexually, this is a fun fantasy if she's into it with a loving partner. But, it's not fun when it's "slam bam thank you ma'am" and he habitually ignores her emotional needs, which happens more than you care to imagine in long term marriages, or when she is raped which also happens a lot in this country and throughout the world, or when she is treated horribly in an abusive marriage and treated even worse in parts of the world where her gender role is seen as legally and socially beneath a man's position. Just saying, it's not all roses. Both genders have equally their advantages and disadvantages, and not one gender is preferable to another.

Women may not (generally) have the physical "power" that males have (an overrated thing) but in their softer frames exists a subtle and mysterious power which is greater and more beautiful than the brutish muscle of a macho man.

I agree with all your points except this one. Woman's beauty vs. man's is not absolute. I suspect that I see much greater beauty in men than you do. This is not just sexual. There's something about a man's essence that compliments my own and that I feel is immensely attractive.

I don't deny the reality of the trans-community, and I don't claim to understand the unimaginable hardships associated with being a transsexual person. However, gender IS a fluid spectrum as you say, so how then can someone be a trans-anything when the line between genders is so blurry to begin with? To me, trans-anything seems to reinforce a binary definition of gender.

I think we associate images and characteristics with "inherent" traits, which leads us to name those feelings that we don't associate with male-ness as female. So yes, I believe that some people may be more comfortable expressing those feminine virtues that you mentioned if they look and feel the part. It's like getting into character for a play - after all, gender is nothing but a performance anyway.

I have to say that your understanding of gender and gender issues is remarkable!! You're voicing something that is difficult for many people in this community and among cisgenders to understand. You're not by any chance a sociologist are you?

I'm very happy for your participation in this thread.

There are so many CDers who believe or at least who say that they are women, once they realize that dressing is more than sexually motivated, or when they develop a sort of obsession with it even if this lasts several years. And it can take years and perhaps broken marriages before they realize that gender is not binary and they do, in fact, fit somewhere in the middle. The actual incidence of true transsexuality is quite rare, and it is evident among small children who are adamant, before they begin grade school, that they are not the gender their parents say they are. And also among some people who discover this a little later, but who are just as adamant about who they are and they never veer from this certainty. This doesn't mean there aren't people who start out sexually during their teenage years and who eventually modify their bodies partially hrough HRT and perhaps small breast growth, but who choose to not take it all the way. Or, those who do go ahead with SRS but who discover their life is not what they thought it would be, since transition did not "make" them a woman and they do not feel any differently than they felt before. Or who discover after having lived years as women, that finding long term partners as transwomen is a great deal more difficult than originally anticipated, and this can be devastating if this was an important reason to transition. We need so much education in this community and I wish there was a way to help people get a better handle on their feelings of gender non-conformity. It might save many marriages and many future disappointments.

This part of the discussion isn't directly related to the CDers who do not wish to examine any personal gender non-conformity (or who do not wish to say that dressing is sexually motivated, or a non-sexual compulsion ... if this is the case). But, I've often wondered if the inability to recognize a gender state that is in between being traditionally male and traditionally female is made more difficult by all the CDers who insist that they are traditionally female when the dressing stops being sexual for them. It's as if it has to be either black or white, with nothing in between.

there are a lot of people who will fall apart if we push them too hard, and be forced to accept the reality of why they crossdress. We're brought up brainwashed by our parents and society to believe certain things; and our entire reality is based on our beliefs.

This may indeed be the strongest motive for not wanting to examine the deeper reasons for crossdressing, no matter what the reasons are: whether it is recognizing inner gender non-conformity, or recognizing that it is a fetish, or even that it is a compulsion. Being gender non-conforming can be scary since people think it "must" mean they are women. There's also a great deal of negative bias against any type of fetish in our society. And, everyone knows that compulsions or addictions are not healthy if they are taken too far and to admit to one might mean having to taking steps to stop doing something that is pleasurable.