Quote Originally Posted by Tammy494
I think I've decided that I will need to give an ultimatum in some form. I know if I were to give this more time without approaching the situation, I would develop a DADT mentality and that Is NOT what I want. If that were to happen, something else will just end up popping up and I'll go through this all over again. It's already happened the past few months... i decided to ignore it and it only made it that much worse when i found something else.

I don't know exactly how to go about giving this ultimatum. I don't wanna come across as too harsh but I want him to take me seriously also. It's so hard because this past week, we've been getting along great but everything just hangs over my head like a big gray cloud. I'm thinking maybe I can print out some of this to give to him but idk. I just really love him and I don't want the ultimatum to cause us to split, but I want him to let me love him for who he truly is and I can't do that with all of these lies in our relationship.
I appreciate how hard this is for you.

I think you need to stress to him that his stories, when combined with the things you've discovered, are simply not credible, and that every day he does NOT tell you the truth, he undermines your relationship because you cannot trust him if he lies to you consistently. Tell him his defensiveness and obviously false stories only reinforce that he is hiding something from you, and that you need to know what it is, at least in a broad sense. He needs to be candid, open, and honest, even though you are fairly sure this may be difficult because of what he may ultimately reveal. Stress to him that trust is essential to any relationship, and right now, you don't trust him. Each day he doesn't explain himself to you, you lose more trust. Trust is something that isn't easily regained, and the truth is, even though you desperately want the relationship to go on, at some point, if you can't trust him, continuing it will simply become impossible.

Tell him you need answers to at least a few questions:
"1. Please explain your cross dressing to me. I have seen the pictures, there is no question that it's you. I have been studying this, and talking online to people who crossdress, and I'm willing to be open minded. What is your history? How often do you do this? Tell me about this part of you please - I want to understand because I love you!
2. Please explain your activity on the dating site. What were you doing? Have you just looked around? Flirted with people? Met with someone else there? I need the truth here, because without it, I can only assume the worst, and I desperately don't want to do that. There is nothing you can tell me, though, that we can't work through."

Were I in your situation, I believe those are the types of things I'd say. Best of luck.