Is it complete Inflexibility ?

[Di]

It seems that this thread has really struck a nerve. Maybe you have some unresolved issues?

I don't need to get a clue. I would suggest that you try to be a little more open-minded. The CD didn't choose to be a CD, he was born that way! It is also wrong to deny a person self expression. Would you like for your SO to dictate what you can and cannot wear? You should think more before hitting the 'Reply" button. :2c:

YOU have the unresloved issue...............someone telling you what you can or cannot wear......give me a break!!!!!!!!!!
YOU DO NEED A CLUE......I agree you were born this way.............SO why would you not iron this stuff out early in the relationship...why would you..being the cd........go into a relationship with someone that would tell you can't express yourself is beyond me........................that what we are trying to tell you.........................I would never tell my partner what they can or can not wear...or vise versa..............the point i'm trying to make.........Since you knew this.....were born as you stated....WHY would you go into a relationship with someone that would not see things the same way................................more or less lie to them.................spring it on them later......then later say...of why oh why.............................

[Jamie001]

Di,

I think that I understand what you are saying, so let me answer your questions. In my case, I suppressed the fact that I am a CD until about 5 years ago because of the shame and guilt that is placed upon males for being a CD. Males are taught at a very early age that feminine expression is abhorrent behavior and is akin to mental leprosy. Therefore, it was a source of great shame and guild. I was taught by my upbringing and society that I must suppress my fem side and I tried to do this and suppress it for 40 years. I went through bouts of severe depression that were ruining my relationship and livelyhood. Finally five years ago, I hit rock bottom and couldn't get any lower. Because of my mental state and the severe depression, the next step was six feet under. I didn't want to expose the fact that I am a CD, but it had to come out. I was very lucky that my wife and I have a great relationship and that she is accepting to a point. In other words, I can wear fem items in male mode such as fem hair, earrings, nail polish, but I cannot have a fem name and I can't try to completely pass as a woman. Therefore, I have acceptable boundaries that I can live within and be happy. On the other hand, there are many males on this forum that their SOs don't allow any fem expression, not even earrings in male mode! (If you read the double standard thread last night, one poster said this). That is what I think is unfair. Relationship is about understanding and compromise, not dictation or living in denial.

Regards,

Jamie

YOU have the unresloved issue...............someone telling you what you can or cannot wear......give me a break!!!!!!!!!!
YOU DO NEED A CLUE......I agree you were born this way.............SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO why would you not iron this stuff out early in the relationship...why would you..being the cd........go into a relationship with someone that would tell you can't express yourself is beyond me........................that what we are trying to tell you.........................I would never tell my partner what they can or can not wear...or vise versa..............THE POINT WE ARE TRYING TO GET IN YOUR HEAD...........Since you knew this.....were born as you stated....WHY would you go into a relationship with someone that would not see things the same way................................more or less lie to them.................spring it on them later......then later say...of why oh why.............................

[Di]

Di,

I think that I understand what you are saying, so let me answer your questions. In my case, I suppressed the fact that I am a CD until about 5 years ago because of the shame and guilt that is placed upon males for being a CD. Males are taught at a very early age that feminine expression is abhorrent behavior and is akin to mental leprosy. Therefore, it was a source of great shame and guild. I was taught by my upbringing and society that I must suppress my fem side and I tried to do this and suppress it for 40 years. I went through bouts of severe depression that were ruining my relationship and livelyhood. Finally five years ago, I hit rock bottom and couldn't get any lower. Because of my mental state and the severe depression, the next step was six feet under. I didn't want to expose the fact that I am a CD, but it had to come out. I was very lucky that my wife and I have a great relationship and that she is accepting to a point. In other words, I can wear fem items in male mode such as fem hair, earrings, nail polish, but I cannot have a fem name and I can't try to completely pass as a woman. Therefore, I have acceptable boundaries that I can live within and be happy. On the other hand, there are many males on this forum that their SOs don't allow any fem expression, not even earrings in male mode! this I think unfair Relationship is about understanding and compromise, not dictation or living in denial.

Regards,

Jamie

Thanks .....I do understand what you said about being afraid to tell the truth and keepng it hidden..........I have a thing about lying.....to your partner :Angry3:You say it is selfish and wrong for the partner not to compromise.....I'm trying to say it is selfish and wrong for the partner not to know....there would be no issue if it is out in the open . Glad you talked to your wife and worked out something that works for the both of you
My reply goes to the ones that lie to the s.o...but later can't understand why....the s.o. isn't jumping on the wagon. I am totally accepting . and we are out in the world......... I was coming from the pov of s.o.'s that find out yrs later....feeling betrayed, Is more or less what you orig described.

[Jamie001]

Di,

Thankyou for your response. I agree that it is wrong to lie to your SO and to keep this part of me hidden from her. However, from my perspective I was not lying. I honestly thought that I could put the Pink Monster back in her cage and forever refrain from crossdressing. I thought that the relationship with my then girlfriend and now wife would have "fixed-me" and therefore I would not have the need to CD anymore. By the way, this is my first marriage and I have not been through these issues before. As we have all found, it is not possible to keep the Pink Monster locked in the cage and maintain mental and physical health and therefore it had to come out. When it did come out, I was very ashamed about having kept this secret from my wife and for the pain that it could cause her. I wish there was some way to make GGs understand that some CDs are so delusional that they actually believe that they can put the Pink Monster in a cage and never crossdress again. In fact, the first time that the Pink Monster emerges and a little boy is caught by his mom or dad, he is taught very quickly that the Pink Monster belongs in a cage and the key is to be thrown away! Boys and men are programmed with this at an early age and then they are shamed if they can't keep it under control.

Respectfully,



Jamie

Thanks .....I do understand what you said about being afraid to tell the truth and keepng it hidden..........I have a thing about lying.....to your partner :Angry3:You say it is selfish and wrong for the partner not to compromise.....I'm trying to say it is selfish and wrong for the partner not to know....there would be no issue if it is out in the open . Glad you talked to your wife and worked out something that works for the both of you
My reply goes to the ones that lie to the s.o...but later can't understand why....the s.o. isn't jumping on the wagon. I am totally accepting . and we are out in the world......... I was coming from the pov of s.o.'s that find out yrs later....feeling betrayed, Is more or less what you orig described.

[MJ]

i should not say this... but Honesty upfront is the key , if you did not tell your partner up front then if she is still with you... you should be thankful and in most cases grateful , and yes what she says goes .... be thankful for what you have and can do ... i never told the one i love and i lost everything ,
and some complain because of restrictions ... be thankful for what you have

[Zee]

Honesty is core in any relationship. However, there are "inflexible" view points.

Some will say that you have to wear what others tell you, while others say that that view is inflexible. In either case, each are being inflexible.

When it really comes down to it, idealy, it would be nice for everyone to be able to wear anything they want to. Unfortunately, due to social issues, this is not the case.

Does it really matter that a woman can wear mens clothing at any time? Does it really matter that a man wants to wear womens clothing from time to time? In my honest and humble opinion, this is a relatively small issue compared to the rest of reality.

Many women think that if a man wants to wear womens clothing, then he isn't a man. This is by far the most ignorant view about crossdressing that I can think of. Of course the man is still a man. So what if he likes silky, smooth clothing. He is still the same person in or out clothing just the same way a woman is. Unless that man is seriously considering SRS, the view that he isn't the same man is the most dispicible double standard I have encountered.

Why is it that you never see men only gyms? You see women only gyms. Why is it that you hardly ever see nice mens clothing in wal mart? Women get over three quarters of that retail space. Why is it that magazines have 80% womens clothing and 5% for men? Why is it that in a business environment, a man can't wear shorts, but a woman can. I can go on and on, but you get the general drift.

Any relationship requires compromise on every issue. It is a fact of life. It is unfair to pose absolutes on anyone in any relationship. If either the man or the woman are unable to reach compromises, counselling is definately in order. An objective third opinion is what would be needed.

Be that as it may, it should not matter what other people think. Each person in every relationship should only care about what their SO thinks and feels. This goes for BOTH parties. And you know what... its really a small issue. Honesty and compromise is the best thing a relationship could have. Just don't sweat the small stuff...