Is it complete Inflexibility ?

[Di]

Di,

I think that I understand what you are saying, so let me answer your questions. In my case, I suppressed the fact that I am a CD until about 5 years ago because of the shame and guilt that is placed upon males for being a CD. Males are taught at a very early age that feminine expression is abhorrent behavior and is akin to mental leprosy. Therefore, it was a source of great shame and guild. I was taught by my upbringing and society that I must suppress my fem side and I tried to do this and suppress it for 40 years. I went through bouts of severe depression that were ruining my relationship and livelyhood. Finally five years ago, I hit rock bottom and couldn't get any lower. Because of my mental state and the severe depression, the next step was six feet under. I didn't want to expose the fact that I am a CD, but it had to come out. I was very lucky that my wife and I have a great relationship and that she is accepting to a point. In other words, I can wear fem items in male mode such as fem hair, earrings, nail polish, but I cannot have a fem name and I can't try to completely pass as a woman. Therefore, I have acceptable boundaries that I can live within and be happy. On the other hand, there are many males on this forum that their SOs don't allow any fem expression, not even earrings in male mode! this I think unfair Relationship is about understanding and compromise, not dictation or living in denial.

Regards,

Jamie

Thanks .....I do understand what you said about being afraid to tell the truth and keepng it hidden..........I have a thing about lying.....to your partner :Angry3:You say it is selfish and wrong for the partner not to compromise.....I'm trying to say it is selfish and wrong for the partner not to know....there would be no issue if it is out in the open . Glad you talked to your wife and worked out something that works for the both of you
My reply goes to the ones that lie to the s.o...but later can't understand why....the s.o. isn't jumping on the wagon. I am totally accepting . and we are out in the world......... I was coming from the pov of s.o.'s that find out yrs later....feeling betrayed, Is more or less what you orig described.