OK. Soapbox time....

Marriage was never about being "sacred." Historically it was about economics and politics.

For example, do you know why, traditionally, the groom stands to the bride's right? Because in the old days, when women were kidnapped from the neighboring clan and forced into marriage to create political unions between clans, the groom needed to keep his sword arm free in case the bride's family tried to rescue her. The groomsmen were body guards.

Not so sacred. It was the catholic church that made it a sacrament and the catholic church has a way of screwing things up.

One only need look at the oppressive laws that existed that barred wives from owning property, laws that allowed husbands to beat their wives for certain offenses, to see that marriage was never thought of as sacred. Some of these property laws existed in the United States into the 20th century.

It is interesting to note that the word husband, other than meaning what it does in marriage, was first used as a verb meaning to tend to, to cultivate (husbandry), whereas the word wife originally referred to a woman "of humble rank or low employment, involved in the sale of some commodity." (from the OED).

Very sacred.

We place too much significance on marriage as an institution and not enough on the relationship itself. Most people who are married probably shouldn't be. Most people spend more time picking out the menu for their wedding party than they do picking a spouse. After all - "it's the biggest day of your life."

So once we get over this marriage thing, we are left discussing relationships. Relationships come in all sizes and shapes, and there is no one size fits all. All relationships have their limits and boundaries, what is acceptable for each person in that relationship to do and not do, and so on. Some relationships are better for secrecy, others suffer from it.

Whenever a crossdresser has asked me if he should tell his wife, my answer is always no, because it will more than likely end the relationship. Maybe not the next day, but eventually. It will certainly make life hell for them. That said, I told both my spouses before we married. One hated it, the second one embraced it (actually, she embraced me). Does that mean the odds for someone else are 50-50? I don't think so. But the bottom line is, no one can predict how someone else's wife/SO will respond.