<On Soapbox> I don't have a lot of experience with women. I have only been married once and my wife and I will celebrate our 41st anniversary next month. But this is what I have experienced and observed in 60+ trips around the sun.
One- Marriages based on commitment to one another are more likely to survive than those based on fulfilling a need in your own life. The difference is in one case you are investing in the relationship and in the other, your looking at what you can take away from it. Younger people are particularly vulnerable to this. How often do you see youngsters playing video games hit the reset button because the game is not going as they want it to. Sadly this behavior translates to other areas of life as well, including marriage and relationships... if it isn't working out, terminate the relationship and start over. It requires no self-examination. On the other hand, If you have invested in the relationship, it forces you to look at what you have brought to the table and how it has affected the outcome.
Two- Know who you are committing to. Sounds obvious, but you would be amazed at how many couples I have counseled that said they didn't know some pretty basic things about their patners... political views, education level, the fact that he likes to play golf every weekend, that she squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle, and so on. Unfortunately in this day of instant gratification where you can download music, pick up fast food on the way home, on-line banking, etc. Of course, if one believes a relationship is moving in direction where commitment is a real possibility, then it is equally the responsibility of BOTH parties to disclose details to one another. "But if I tell her I cross dress she might not love me any more." If you don't tell her, she's not in love with you anyway. She's in love with a character you are playing and your chances of a long term relationship are two... slim and none. Better to find out now, early on in the relationship, than later on when other innocent lives (children) are involved. Besides, isn't it better for your partner to love you for EVERYTHING you are?
Three- Communicate with one another. What too many couples fail to realize is that communication is a two part process... and talking is only ONE part of it. Listening is just as important. And it's the only way you have of determining if your partner understood what you said. If you're listening and don't fully understand something that is said, ask a clarifying question. One technique that is often successful is, "What I heard you say is... Is that what you meant?"
Okay, I've probably gone on too much here. The bottom line is no matter how pretty the house is, if the foundation is faulty, the house will become damaged, or worse, destroyed. And the foundations of love, are trust and truth. Trust me, the chemistry will take care of itself :D.
<Off Soapbox>
