Cross dressing and marriage.

[ReineD]

Cross dressing and marriage , why does it have the effect on some marriages so much more that other things that a person could do within a relationship .

Are you asking why would CDing be a deal breaker when other issues wouldn't be?

Half the marriages in our culture fail. A small percentage of these fail due to a partner's CDing, since there is a small percentage of people who CD. Other issues cause most of the divorces: affairs, gambling, alcoholism, emotional or physical abuse. Or a lack of the skills necessary to keep a marriage going: ability to communicate, negotiate, and reach compromises, no matter the issue. I'm making this point to put things in perspective.

I don't think CDing is a greater cause for marital failure than anything else. But it is an issue that is as difficult to overcome as the others.

If there are other issues present, no matter what they are and to what degree, even if it is an inability to resolve built-up resentments over the partners feeling they have not been heard or other (non-CDing related) needs have not been met, then the CDing would tip the scale towards ending the marriage. But so would an affair or an different issue.

If it is an otherwise happy relationship with no other major issues and the marriage does break down over the CDing, it could be for a variety of reasons. The wife may have strong religious or moral objections. The breakdown of trust as the result of being lied to is also a pretty big issue. But if a wife is open-minded, then her fears of losing her husband to his femme self or her insecurity about her femininity would likely be felt only in the beginning while she is learning about how the CDing fits into their relationship. If the husband is mindful of his wife's needs and her early insecurites and (excepting being TS) the CDing is stable and he continues to want to be her husband, then it is likely the wife's fears will dissipate.

On being TS .. I don't know if most accepting wives (although we have exceptional women here who prove otherwise ) would be able to stay in their marriage if their husband realized over time he was TS. But this is a different issue than what I believe you to be asking.

So ... to eliminate causes for a marital breakdown:

• there are no other major issues in the relationship,
• both parties know how to deal with issues when they come up through communication & compromise,
• there are no religious or moral objections,
• the wife comes to understand why it took her husband so long to tell her and her trust is not eroded because of this,
• the husband continues from this point to be honest with his wife and he does not minimize or conceal deeper needs as they come up (such as the minor cosmetic necessities for a believable presentation ... shaving, long nails, ear piercings, clothing & accessories, etc), the wife understands this and things stabilize when the desired presentation is reached,
• they both agree on the degree of outedness and femme social life,
• the husband and wife are in a happy sexual relationship together (however they choose to define this), and the husband does not secretly over-fantasize having sex as a woman with other men,
• the shopping for clothing does not turn into an addiction of its own,

... then the marriage and the CDing can co-exist nicely. Judging by the threads here asking how many CDs are in happy marriages, there are many marriages where this is true. And lots of marriages are happy even when not all of the above conditions are met.