Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
No Misty! We're going in circles here.
No circles hon, we actually agree. I just didn't do a very good job of making my point.

Indeed, if there are sexual issues because of gay fantasies, then there is definitely a problem. However, I suspect that my plea for honesty would go a long way towards solving those problems.

My point was simply that fantasies or desires are NOT the problem. I fantasize about murdering someone nearly every morning during my drive to the office. Even though the fantasies can sometimes get fairly detailed involving all sorts of implements and explosives, I'm still certain that there is no law broken and no murder conviction will be forthcoming.

Speaking as someone who struggled with gay desires through two marriages until I finally came out during the first 6 months of my 2nd marriage (which ended it), I can say without a doubt that open and honest acknowledgment of my attraction to men would have absolutely saved my first marriage. Those feelings don't go away, they just get internalized and redirected as very harmful energy. The sexuality issues would not have bothered her, but nearly 10 years of mood swings and distance finally killed the marriage. Looking back, I would have left me too.

What price honesty? Would she have left if I would have let her in? Maybe, but the refusal to admit my desire, only bought me another few years of a bad marriage. The truth would have truly set me free.

I'm pretty sure that any straight or bi man who harbors secret gay fantasies would get "excited" by just talking about it with his wife if she was accepting and playful. Don't want a "submissive" husband? Then talk about it. Tell him what you want, do some role playing, compromise a bit. Make a deal, he can pretend to be a princess tonight if he'll pretend to be a fireman tomorrow. CD's love to dress up and and play, get some fun "manly" costumes and take turns wearing them.

Listen folks, almost all of us are of a "certain age" except me, so we need to stop acting like we're goofy teenagers and start acting like grownups when it comes to sexuality. We're ALL a little freaky in some way so let your freak flag fly.

Grow up and be honest with yourself and your lover.

-Misty