The man she married. Really?

[Susan Dee]

as time passes she comes to realize that his femme identity is much deeper, she will have trouble dealing with this. I'm not saying that she can't, just that she is discovering that something fundamental about her husband has changed.............................In time, the wife realizes that the CDing is so much more than just putting on feminine clothing and this will affect how she thinks about her husband.

Totally agree with that. But isn't it equally true about the CD who is discovering that his/her femme personality is more than just putting on the clothes. I'm not making excuses, but just trying to recognise the whole situation.

Not only is it hard for the SO to come to terms with something she probably knows little about, but it's also probably something that the CD cannot really understand or explain.

Over time we find that we may accept who (and what) we are, become more relaxed about ourselves and drop the internal guilt, but are we able to explain what it means? I can't.

I can explain how I feel when I'm dressed, the emotions that are involved, how alive I feel, and that I become the whole me. The why of me being a CD is in so deep that my explanations only end up in some sort of "it just is", even though I do want to describe what it is. (That all sounds pretty clumsy, but I guess most will understand). I am out to my SO and generally she is relaxed about it, but I wish I could explain it better.

Trouble is, if CDs can't explain it to ourselves what hope is there for us to gain the understanding of SOs. CDs may know only too well the hurt that has been caused, but will probably feel helpless to try and find a way to ease that pain and to reassure SOs.

I do agree with you though that it's hard for many wives to come to terms with the negative ways that their family, friends, and society as a whole view the CDing. In principle people are for the most part OK with it, as long as it is not in their own back yards.

Add in the negative society aspects / guilt issues and everyone suffers.