Ruroken,
I see that you are scared, and don't want to be 2 instead of 1. For many of us here, it's not a case of being two, but a case of letting one aspect of our being shine at one time, and another aspect shine at another time.
When I am at a ball game, I may yell loudly for my team, and even get too enthusiastic. That's one aspect of who I am. When at a classical music concert, I am quiet and enjoy just sitting and listening. It's not that I'm 2, but there are different aspects of the 1.
As we mature, many times we let different aspects of who we are come "out". I think that's what it is for me. I have always enjoyed women's clothes, but surpressed the urges. I purged, but have always come back. Now I embrace this aspect of who I am.
Best wishes as you struggle with this.
