Quote Originally Posted by Bethany Marie View Post
I gotta agree with Karren. I've been doing this, off and on, for a long time .. nearly forty years. I still periodically go through periods of what I'll call "angst" because I'm just lazy that way ... the angst really gets old, and nowadays when I feel it coming on, I'm like, "meh".

Life is too short to dwell on stuff you can't change. Yeah, sometimes I wish that I could change it, that I could stop crossing ... but for me, I've faced that it just ain't gonna happen; my wife is more accepting of me than I myself am, and that's not right (hey I love that my wife loves me so much, don't get me wrong -- it's just that I should be in the same spot).

It's so much easier when you allow yourself to be yourself, without hating a part of yourself, without wishing for the umpteenth time that you could just quit.

I invite you to step into the light. It's a damn long hard road, but the steps get easier the more you take.
aahhh see theres my problem. As if stepping into the light belongs only in the realm of me being a female. As if "stepping into the light" could not be the other side. Theres also this willing assumption of guilt/shame/fear. Not everyone has that. I dont hate that part of myself at all. But i don't like it, i dont like it in the same way i don't like my male side. They are both too one sided.

Heres my point....

The balance like buddha said "is the middle way," not a third gender but no gender. Thats what i feel i am at. The begining of my "will." And my will does not want to be tied down to clothes because i consider it a protective shell, which protected me from ther harsh realities of life (like a mother does). But since i understand both sides, the other side says "your wrong" just a fear that im wrong. not something that is substantial but just a feeling, a small feeling which existis and is supported by people who believe "it always comes back" and "i cant change it". Now your situation might be different then mine... it most likely is. Some might be born with it others (like myself) used it to compensate for a lack of love.

but this philosophy that people on this site hold might do harm to us younger kids who might have different reasons for doing it. To me its like the female side holds more power...but only for one reason and thats because its socially inacceptable. Its like if you go to the side thats socially acceptable --- your running away. If you go over to the female side--- your running to. the balance has nothing to do with whether its acceptable or not. This power might be in my head only or it also might exist outside, in groups, and in society.

you ever wonder if there are any straight gay guys just like there are gay straight guys? Laws of the universe (there are no absolutes) say its true. But nobody would ever question a straight gay guy, while everybody jumps on the gay straight guy.