Kate is harsh and kind of a biotch... but she is right. You're just missing the point...
I used to think she was all full of hate and everything too... but then I took a step back, peeled off that thick, spiky outer crust and saw that she is right. She just doesn't walk on eggshells for everyone.
She is saying that if you don't have the DESIRE to lose the penis and have a vagina, then you're not transexual.
She IS NOT saying that if you can't get SRS, that you're not transexual.
An example: I want SRS. I hate my penis. But if the surgery procedure for SRS is to do the entire operation with the use of splintery wooden spoons while I am wide awake, I wouldn't get it. That doesn't make me any less of a transexual... because I still have the desire to lose the dangly bits. I'd just have to wait for a more humane method :P