Hi Doormat (it's so hard to address you that way)

I can absolutely see your viewpoint, that CDing is an addictive and self perpetuating activity, that we all (cDers) feel comes to define us. It's hard to not see it in the pink fog, but your words would pretty much sum up my wife's view of it. She doesn't understand and doesnt care to read books, consider what it would be like to live with me if I ever dressed around her. But I can understand that she doesn't understand why I can't just turn it off, stop it and concentrate on other things. It's like being stuck in a loop and yes, you're right, no one can truly understand what it is like to be a genetic girl. We approximate it, sometimes tragically. But I just passed a woman on the street who approximates a stereotype of femininity that borders on the overcompensating - decked out in "trashy chic" that was an amazing display of a hard right turn on the feminine spectrum. Where an I going with this?

Oh yeah - your spouse seems to be asking too much of you and needs more. More acceptance. I suspect that your spouse wants something that he can't have, and there's a certain allure in that. But it comes at a cost to you and it sure seems like its too much.

I totally get the yuck factor of seeing your guy in a dress. You are who to are and you don't find it acceptable at all. Thats something he wants to change. It's unfair of him to ask you to if it's beyond your comfort level. In fact I think its rated selfish. However hard your marriage might be I don't believe he knows how lucky he is that you tolerate the DADT policy.

You two are at a stalemate I find my marriage in. Only he gets to dress. I don't. I've pretty much given it up and every day is torture. So maybe he should suck it up, join a support group if he wants some affirmation, and get thee both into couciling so you both can't figure out why he's pushing and if the
Marriage can be saved. From your attitude it seems like you're on the fence. Maybe he doesn't know that.

Good luck and hope you can work it out, if it works for you both.

Darla