This is why I find DADT so frustrating...(a GG perspective)

[ReineD]

I imagine plenty of the stories on here that scare me are from those facing the very difficult position of being truly gender dysphoric and it makes perfect sense that they're the most vocal. It's a little unnerving to a wife though, and perhaps some of these stories could be filtered into different categories? Or maybe that just separates everyone which I also imagine would make people feel worse. I will have to learn which posts to read!

Absolutely! You can imagine what I went through five years ago as my SO was branching out and either intentionally not communicating everything that was going through his mind to me, or assuming that I already knew and understood everything. lol. :p I put myself through the wringer reading all the threads here. And what complicates things is, no one puts "fetish CD", "identity CD", "TS", or "TS questioning" under their names, nor does anyone confine themselves neatly to the appropriately named forum sections! :D So yes, I had to learn to filter. And I asked a lot of questions. I'd PM people and ask what they meant when they said such and such in a thread. I'm sure many people thought I was a pain. The best solution for you though, would be to outright show a thread that concerns you to your SO, and get him to tell you how he feels about the individual posts. Tackle it by the horns, believe me it's a lot easier when you put everything out on the table that way.

I don't feel this is our problem but rather his lack of control and addiction to dressing that is now, apparently, involving me. This is the pink fog, I guess.

If this is fairly new behavior, sometimes the beginning feminine expressions seem fetishistic, when they're not really. I don't know your husband, but just the fact that you're married, with kids (and presumably happy together in and out of the bedroom) tells me that he is experiencing a need to express non-fetish femininity but he doesn't quite know how to yet. I'll give you an analogy. A few years ago I conducted an experiment. I wanted to know how difficult it would be for me to exhibit male behavior and so I asked my SO to give me some pointers on how to walk like a guy. I wasn't trying to be humorous, but honestly my attempts were so exaggerated that it was laughable. It's hard to express a gender different than the one we've been socialized in. So the more salient things about the other gender are the first things we notice and try to copy. In the case of a man who has a normal male libido, these things will be what men are attracted to, or the more stereotypical features of femininity, which are for example short skirts, blonde wigs, bright red nails, and so on. My SO's tastes in clothing and activities matured a great deal over the years with exposure and practice and now she dresses like any other GG. I think I mentioned that she goes out about twice per week schedule permitting and honestly, unless she talks to someone, most people don't clue in that he is a genetic male.

As to your husband involving you, I'm glad that he is respecting your head space about this right now and not insisting. Doing otherwise will make things much worse. But, your marriage is a two way street and the CDing (according to everything that I know about it) is not going away. So at one point you will need to make up your mind about how willing you are to recognize your husband's needs. And if you still can't be involved (he really does need to learn just how to be his normal self when he is dressed), then for the sanity of your marriage, he will need some time and space on his own. TG support groups are a good solution. The one that my SO belonged to (we hardly go any more since we don't need to), welcomes wives, parents, adult children, etc. They're a good bunch of people and there is absolutely no fetish/sexual behaviors involved. It's a large group and there is always dinner, a buisness meeting, an activity or a speaker, and just chance to sit around the table, make new friends, and reconnect with old friends.

Funny, but I wouldn't mind a pink fog of my own right about now! I feel like having some fun times away from reality too.

I felt the same way too. But not any more.

like you mentioned with your SO Reine, I often think he has more love for CD than for me.

This is the single most difficult issue between the CDers and their wives and the hardest thing to bridge between couples. But you need to understand that your husband and my SO are not like men who do not crossdress. So we cannot ascribe to them the same motives that we did to our past boyfriends for example. As difficult as it is for your husband to learn how to express femininity without making a caricature of it, it is hugely difficult for us as their partners to learn how to redefine what we thought we knew about them (and by extension our own roles in their lives), based on all the other men we've known throughout our lives. It's like learning a different language, and this is why communication is essential to a marriage where there is CDing. If he does something that rubs you the wrong way (for example acting like a frilly teenager), you and your husband have GOT to get to a point where each one of you can talk and BE HEARD without the other feeling insulted, hurt, or angry. And learn to come up with solutions that will be beneficial to you BOTH. It just never works when it just goes one way.

Good Luck DM! My heart goes out to you. But, I hugely admire your willingness to lay it out on the line with us here, and work through what everyone has said. It gives me hope that you will be able to do the same with your husband.