I think the key point you missed is that we crossdressers who come out after a marriage is consummated, have effectively lied about a part of us to our wife! None of your scenarios cover the lying part.
Would it be ok for a wife to say she didn't sign up for this, if her husband was a criminal and she didn't know? I'd bet you'd make that allowance. Of course crossdressing is not criminal but it is the lying that bothers women more than anything else about crossdressing. They had no chance to make their decision and are now held by vows.
