Motel/hotel rooms and the shame of crossdressing...I feel a rant coming on!

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I'm going to say this from the start...this is a dead horse thread....we've discussed this topic many many times. Not just here but other places as well. So, being one of those people that has seen this topic over and over....I am...annoyed.

<right now there are people saying "Uh oh">

That just underlines again how secretive most of us still are regarding our "strange" hobby.

Oh, it's a hobby is it now? I don't recall any other hobby being tied to one's identity like the transgender thing is. For starters, I think we need to avoid "hobby" terminology in it's entirety, as much as is possible.

Not just secretive, but downright ashamed, actually...

Well duh! I'd say at least half the CD's here are ashamed of themselves....why else do we so so much hiding, deception, lies and self deception?

The more I think about this, the more sad it makes me.

It's not just sad, it's depressing.

Yeah, yeah, we know all the reasons -

Yes, we do.

So why then do we allow this same society to do this to us and go into self-imposed exile just because we are different and don't conform to generally accepted norms?

Because deep down, many crossdressers have accepted the condemnation and internalized it and follow it to the letter. I bet the crossdressers are some of the strongest enforcers of the status quo. I bet we got crossdressers in this very thread that support churches that are anti GLBT with their dollars or vote for politicians that demonize GLBT people every chance they get...because deep down, they accept the condemnation and aren't willing to give it up.

I bet you some of the CD's in this very thread are opposed to GLBT rights legislation, I bet even more are against gay marriage. Every "why does society think we're gay" thread, exists because of the subtle homophobia of the person who posted it.

the homo- and transphobes,

There's probably people who've said homophobic statements to others or stayed silent when such was being said...in this very thread.

And yet, society often still dares to judge us transgendered folk far more harshly than these other "outliers", and often succeeds in brainwashing us into believing that we are some sort of lower form of life, and deserving of the scorn often heaped upon us.

I'm disappointed in that statement. It's 2012.... and 1950 wants it's rhetoric back. Really Leslie, things aren't THAT bad. Considering all the TS's here who are just "living their lives" that tell their stories of how "it's not as bad as they thought it would be". Or the young folks who talk about how accepting their friends are. or the fact that the frakking Vice President of the United States says transgender discrimination is "The Civil Rights Issue of Our Time" or the fact that President Obama was the first president to ever use the word "transgender" in a speech.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-...nder-pride-mon

That means something people...THE President says discriminating against trans people is wrong.... and you know what...in some places it's also illegal. It most certainly is here, sucks to be those "Tea Party Crossdresers" in places like Utah, Wyoming, Arizona and down in Dixie, don't it.

They want acceptance and not to be discriminated against, but deep down they hate the people fighting for their rights. Hypocrites...that's right, I said it, because that's what you are. You lend your support to groups opposed to GLBT people....you're a hypocrite. And if you say your transness/crossdressing isn't as important as your guns or wallet....you're been led into supporting your own oppression, so shut up about society hating us. If you're not willing to make even the "slightest" effort, not even an anonymous letter of support or donation.....to make things better, then shut the hell up...and get off these boards because I am tired of you people making it harder for the rest of us and then whining about how "society hates us and thinks were gay".

Far too often, we aid and abet this vicious circle

That's what I said.

So let's take a cue from our gay and lesbian fellow travellers on this sex/gender continuum, be "loud, proud, and out", come out of hiding and go forth confidently into the big bad world, see and be seen, and don't let anyone ever try to diminish us again because of who or what we are...

Problem is...some of our very members here don't like gay people....isn't it obvious?

[QUOTE=Leslie Langford;3007874]

Then again, we've already heard from Chaz Bono, who not only wrote a book about his life journey so far, but also gave an especially good account of himself on "Dancing With the Stars." A very positive role model, indeed.

There have been books written for decades... I bet you most of the CD's here couldn't even name one...because they're too scared to look for them at the library or buy one at the bookstore.

The trouble is, Leslie, that we all want the 'anchor' to be there, but none of us want to be him/her?

That's right They want their freedom now...but don't want to give up their perceived "straight normality privilege".

Being closeted isn't as bad as it sounds!

I think it's worse for one's emotional well being, more than anything else. I think even telling just "one" other person can help a great deal. For CD's I think immediate family one lives with need to know...but anyone else is optional...other than SA's, MA's, hairdressers, etc etc.

However, the gay/lesbian situation was not brought into the mainstream by the loud proud shouting expositons, IMHO.

Yes it was, Stonewall changed everything.

It was brought into mainstream reality by kind thoughtful caring gays and lesbians going about their daily life in the best exemplary manner, showing all that they really are good citizens, and great people in their own right.

And then the assimilationists/"straight acting gays" tried to sweep the street trannies and queens who initiated Stonewall under a rug.

The point is as log as the mice can hide and feel safe when the lights are turned on, they will continue to sneak out when the cat is busy elsewhere. Of course those are the same mice who scream about how their SO is SO unaccepting because they were sneaking behind the SO's back for 10-20-30- years. A lie is a lie, sneaking is sneaking, hiding is hiding.

Exactly.

Another "I'm out, and I want you to be out, too, because it helps ME" thread.

It helps everyone, including you, you just don't want to admit that.

The more folks that are out the more that we can help each other advance the cause like our gay brothers and sisters.

Nicole frequently makes snippy comments like that to the out crowd...because deep down..she knows that she's "not helping" the problem...and in fact...is most likely one of those making it worse. Hows the situation on GLBT rights there in Mississippi?

When your ready to tell you grandma, and mother and father, as well as your boss, then come give me a lecture,

Some of us have already done at least some of those things.

I stood up and shouted against segregation, and I stood and shouted against an evil war

Thank you!

and now I'm old and tired, if you don't mind I'll sit this one out.

We could use your support, wisdom and knowledge though...even you stay off the picket lines.

But my thought in reading your post was that those of us who feel ashamed, guilty or frightened of stepping,out of our closet or hotel room are to a degree accepting, aiding and abetting those in society (whatever that means) that would prefer we stay hidden.

Why yes, they are complicit in their own oppression.

I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not in making this statement, Nicole, but as for me, I'm doing my part.

Nicole don't like the out crowd very much... because of the very reasons mentioned in this thread.

This is the whole point of my thread. As Franklin D. Roosevelt famously said in his presidential Inaugural Address in 1933 as a prelude to galvanizing the American public to overcome the Great Depression: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Words for us crossdressers to live by as well...

I've said that myself.

No one said all, but I will say many. Many who still believe that what they are and what they do is "wrong"

Of course they do, we see it all the time.

whereas I will venture a low estimate that 50% of TG people don't feel the need to support rights because they can just "go away" and disappear into the woodwork.

yeah, they can hide. and then they do the: "I can hide and no one knows so I don't have to do anything or give up any priviledge...so when's my rights coming?"

Like sneaking away to a hotel to essentially cheat on their spouse by dressing and in some cases acting out certain things (but they are not gay they are straight women meeting men while they are dressed and then they are straight men going home afterward :P)

Yeah the the CD's who are part of the "bi when dressed" or "attracted-to-men while dressed" crowd, but are also part of the "when I'm not dressed I'm straight... no homo here."

The thing is that we cannot dispel stereotypes if we ourselves believe them.

Right.

If you believe you have to go to the next town and rent a room to dress and then stay in that room because "They" won't accept you, then you are part of the problem as they used to say. Just look at how many threads here are from proud posters who claim they "got away" with dressing. Boy, glad their SO didn't come home early. Glad the neighbor didn't knock on the door because this dirty little secret to them is not dissimilar to a myriad of real crimes. OH MY GAWD, can you imagine how the world would end tomorrow if you just accepted who you are?

That's so sad, it's funny.

Veronica