Unexpected Development

[Sara Jessica]

As I've said in several posts, I've lost a lot of weight and size in the past month and a half. Haven't done a lot to make that happen. Just cut down on calorie intake and wearing waist cincher when I can. Haven't even worked out since before Thanksgiving. Nevertheless. In October at 6"3, I weighed 215 lbs and had a 36" waist. Now, I weigh 190 with a 33" waist (uncinched).

Congrats on your weight loss!!!

Not only that, I've dropped from 38C to 34C bra.

Sounds like it's time for a bra fitting.

Anyway, I was in the grocery store in man mode and I was getting some of those weird looks. You know, the kind you get when you're "tell" outs you while in fem mode.

I call this "stink eye" which is what I get when in guy mode and my hair is down. Here's an oldie-thread from before your time here Anne...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ight=stink+eye

Well, I was wondering what the heck?! The only thing I've done is lost weight and shaped my brows a little. Nothing really drastic. So, I walked by a full length mirror and had to stop. I almost didn't recognize myself. It almost looked like a woman with very short hair wearing men's clothes that were too big. I did not expect such drastic changes in such a short amount of time.

What you are describing is something which transcends what I call a moment of being.

A moment of being happens when you are out and presenting as a female and something almost magical happens. Everything seems to be in it's right place in the world. Your confidence soars. You might capture a glimpse of yourself, see a blurred reflection in a window, or even see your shadow, and all you detect is woman rather than guy or trans. And if your really lucky, these moments will leak into your interactions with others when again, it becomes all about NOT being defined by your trans nature. Moments of being are also enhanced by something as simple as a song, smell, or even weather. You cannot plan these moments, they have to just happen. And when they do, you know you are really on to something special.

Transcending these moments is when you perceive the woman without presenting as such. In my case, the body mods I have made for the sake of my own being often lead me to the same place you have experienced, where you see female in the mirror instead of male. Call it psychological tricks, call it delusional, whatever...it's real, at least to me.

And to think you have found this in such a short time. It's taken me years to find this place of absolute bliss.


ps - If you have any doubts whatsoever about the reality of such moments, ask my buddy Suzanne, she's been there and done that as well.