Anne, that's the real issue, isn't it: control. We think we belong in one gender, are brought up (socialized) in one gender, even get married in one gender. And then the world suddenly is not revolving in the same way! Now, can we learn to partition our gendered selves?
I have more than work to keep me in "man" mode for a section of my time, so it's a bit easier for me to control. As I see it, the more things that we really enjoy doing in guy mode, the more we want to stay in that mode for those activities. If those activities can be allowed to dwindle to zero, eventually we have to ask why guy mode is useful.
My work is very much fun for me. For years I've said that I head to "work", have fun all day, and they pay me. That's a part of my "guy" fun, so I don't want to lose that, and Tina doesn't take over that part of my life. What I have done is to learn who Tina is and what she'd like to be, and then have given over a fraction of time for her to do that. It's like guaranteeing her a part of the time we share for life. In that way everyone is happy and having fun with life!
Being transgendered is definitely not for wimps!!!
