So, you want to Pass as a Woman!

[ReineD]

Barbara Jean, I have to call you out on this. No, you have not passed 100%. And, you didn't "notice" anyone glancing. The public at large, be they in a mall, restaurant or bathroom, don't look up. And if they do, they may think your a TS or in transition or a "Pat" and while there are questions, THEY don't care enough to react. Now, the upshot is, because you have confidence, and act like you belong, you are comfortable and that comfort give comfort to others around you. THAT'S the message.

They have all shared two things in common.

None of them passed the 'we just had coffee and chatted, and I had NO idea you weren't a natal woman' test.

They were ALL out and about, and enjoying the real world, presenting as they cared to.

Passing is a wonderful goal, best left as part of your hobby. If 100% passing is the only way you'll get out the front door...enjoy the view from your window.-Celeste

Don't judge your ability to pass by looking in the mirror. Your mind is going to see exactly what it wants to see. Take pictures of yourself. The imagine may not be the same. Mine isn't male or female.

I'm not trying to throw a damper on the youngsters going out and blending or passing. It's not as simple as it seems. It's not a 'ONE SIZE FITS ALL' answer. I really hate these threads making it sound like it's so easy, when the poster does not have to bear the consequences when it blows up in someone's face.

I can't agree more with these comments. I've only met one TS who passed perfectly. She was petite and she transitioned at a very young age.

My SO and I go out A LOT, all over the place. To describe her, her hands and feet are smaller than mine, she has her own long curly mid back hair (no wig), she has no beard shadow (laser), and she is only 1" or so taller than me when we go out, because I wear 4" heels. She does not have an overly male forehead, brow, nose, or jaw. People who pass us by do not notice anything. People that we interact directly with, such as the people who serve us, do notice. They likely think that my SO is a TS and transitioning. They are all very nice to us, and they do not ask questions.

When we sit in restaurants, most people don't give us a second glance, but the people who do notice us tend to stare a little longer. I've noticed a questioning look in their eyes. Also, people tend to remember us, even if we haven't been to a place for 6 months. I can't help but think it is because they don't see too many transpersons, and so they just remember. Most everyone is friendly though. This is because we are at arm's length in their lives, but that's OK.

It's a mistake to take an absence of comments, snickers, insults, etc, as passing. Most people don't care enough to say anything.