Reine i think i'd push back on "What does "transsexual" mean, really, other than wanting - or more than wanting ... going ahead with electrolysis, hormones, FFS, & SRS?"
What it means is that if you want to live a life that is true to your nature, that feels authentic to you , you have do just that... a gender fluid person can do this in many ways, a ts person cannot..
Generally speaking you can't EVER get affirmation of who you are unless you become who you are...for many of us this becomes a life threatening situation.. this is an immutable conflict in a marraige... that's why gender queer people can often recommend trying to compromise ...it works fine for them and its just an ongoing negotiation for femme/homme time... ts people can try this too, but it will become less and less satisfactory for you over time...
also, generally speaking, ts husbands underestimate the impact they have on the marriage, even though they are trying to stick it out.. in life it is very difficult to put yourself in the other persons mind..i don't think we can easily internalize just how difficult this can be on your wife, including her feelings of loss, betrayal and confusion...she can never know again with certainty where she stands no matter how much you want her too, and no matter how much you believe you will live up to your promises...in the worst situations, we make promises and over time and can't keep them, sometimes YEARS later...in effect, betraying her again...talk is cheap...promises to not dress/express/pluck/wear/notshave are cheaper
