Wow.......so much going on here. I wonder why or how she could have had you arrested when you were dressed if there was not cause to do so? If you were being a menace I would care not how you were dressed but about my safety. You make it sound like she did it on purpose to shame you or something? Police don't just arrest someone without cause. Apparently there is a lot of drama in your relationship. Not good. The fact that you mentioned that she wants children and you have had a vasectomy. Also not good because your desires don't match but good in that children do not need to be a part of such an unstable relationship. So............ my thoughts are all over the place but let me try....... You feel like you are carrying the relationship and have stopped so it's falling apart because of that? You don't care what she says or feels about your dressing or the fact that you will want breast augmentation and perhaps transition in the future. This quote stuck out for me : "For me, right now, finding a woman who's accepting of me being a crossdresser is far less important than finding a woman who will have an actual relationship with me."

Sounds like you are really not into this relationship and may be just another one of those self-absorbed self-obsessed cross dressers. What is an "actual relationship" to you anyway? Perhaps you should start there. It sounds like you both have serious communication problems which need to be addressed immediately. I would say try counseling but I don't have a lot of hope for your relationship based on your comments.

As far as her participation being on and off with the cross dressing....yes that is very common. Sometimes us partners feel that we want to please you and know that would be the ultimate way to do so then we discover that it may be the ONLY way to please you. That is when the cross dressing becomes weary. For me my participation was expected and not really appreciated. I wanted to make him happy but felt that it was a lot to ask of me ..........It felt like I was someone I was not. I'm not into women ever and cross dressers expect their so's to turn their sexuality on it's head so to speak. What you think should not be a big deal really is. His level of participation in the things that I enjoyed did not even come close to matching the effort I made towards his cross dressing so..........I stopped caring about it. That is what is going to happen to you I'm afraid.

I'm thinking if you don't seek couple's counseling .........your relationship is doomed.