SO not as accepting as previously believed...

[Leona]

Wow.......so much going on here. I wonder why or how she could have had you arrested when you were dressed if there was not cause to do so?

That's not how police procedure works. An arrest is made when there is enough evidence to convict and probable cause that the suspect is guilty, in most cases. In cases involving fighting couples, an arrest is made if someone is hurt physically, period. I was walking away from the fight and she was trying to detain me, and she got physically violent. I never attacked nor struck her in any way. The report is viewed by two magistrates. The first one reads the report, files charges, and sets a bond. The second informs you of the bond, what your rights are, and how to get out of jail. In my case, the first magistrate elected not to file the charges: he punted to the second magistrate, who let me out.

In America, we are innocent until proven guilty. The law determined I was innocent because I WAS innocent. Please respect that.

The fact that you mentioned that she wants children and you have had a vasectomy.

Had the vasectomy during my first marriage, in case that wasn't clear. I told her about it before our first date, it's important information to know. It's like CDing, you don't intentionally keep it a secret because it could define the relationship. She said she was ok with it even though she wanted another kid, and now she goes through phases where she nags me about it. Maybe I should ask her to stop because of how I feel, but then she doesn't get to express how she feels.

Sounds like you are really not into this relationship and may be just another one of those self-absorbed self-obsessed cross dressers. What is an "actual relationship" to you anyway? Perhaps you should start there. It sounds like you both have serious communication problems which need to be addressed immediately.

Keep in mind you're getting an extremely one-sided and emotional snapshot of a relationship that was really good for the first couple of years and is now going into its fourth year. We've known each other since we were teenagers. It's not so cut and dried.

I'm a person who gets a lot of compliments for communication skills (and a lot of criticism for asking what particular words mean and using logic, heh). I listen actively, I paraphrase back what was said to see if I understand correctly, I ask questions to clarify/explain what's been said, and I listen very non-judgmentally. These are all things I get complimented on from everybody from the cashier in the checkout line to my employers, former girlfriends, good friends, etc. In a relationship, I periodically start the "where's our relationship at" conversation to see if we're on the same page. When she looks upset or feeling any kind of emotion, I ask what's on her mind. I ask her what she's thinking periodically. I initiate ALL of the "let's relate to each other" conversations.

What happened is that about 6 months ago, after making numerous attempts daily to talk to her and being rebuffed, I quit doing a lot of that. So when the arrest happened, and I talked to my friend who is a former DV counselor, current Director of SANE where she lives, and she confirmed that I was the victim and suggested we find services for batterers for her to see, and pointed out how difficult it can be to break free from the stereotype of the man being the attacker and the woman being the victim.

As far as her participation being on and off with the cross dressing....yes that is very common. Sometimes us partners feel that we want to please you and know that would be the ultimate way to do so then we discover that it may be the ONLY way to please you. That is when the cross dressing becomes weary.

Leona its not so cut and dry. I wish she would come talk to me. Thank you for mentioning me in particular.

Something you GGs that have repeatedly insisted on the importance that your CDing SO have is honesty need to consider this: My wife only tells me the good stuff. She never talks to me about the negative feelings she has. I have to insist that she be honest about her feelings and that she talk to me about them. I also have to insist that she should initiate these conversations whenever she needs to. In every single way that it's wrong for a CDer to sneak around and hide the dressing, it's also wrong for the GG to withhold her feelings. It's supposed to be a two way street of communication.

So, if a CDer who hids in the closet is lying, so, too, is my wife when she leaves out the negative feelings, even when I initiate the conversation. I feel like I now have to take back every good thing i've said about her here because I no longer know what's true and what isn't.

And this isn't just about the CDing. This pattern of dishonest behavior is throughout her entire life. When telling stories about stuff she did, she puts the most positive spin on it to the point where she distorts facts, leaves out important pieces, etc. This is not the normal self-serving bias, this is the self-serving bias on steroids!

As for expecting GGs to still be sexually attracted to us, remember that my wife told she was sexually attracted to me when I was dressed, and I now suspect that to be a complete lie with not an ounce of truth in it.

Wow, you seem way too ready to pitch a marriage. Marriage is not just about you. You two are clearly not communicating about this. It begins and ends there. This site may offer some perspective for her, but it won't communicate for you to her.

You have no idea what I've gone through to not lose this marriage. You're absolutely right, marriage is not just about me. But mine is all about her, and that isn't right either.