JessM thanks for your thoughtful response.
It sounds as if your husband's personality changes when he crossdresses. That is something that doesn't happen to me or many others. I just see myself as a man in a dress. I really don't understand the need to use a female name, or change into a feminine personality. I understand that many crossdressers inadvertently finds that their personality changes. They become more chatty, display more social empathy, and are overall nicer persons. If so, then I believe that is due to the oxytocin neurotransmitters. I believe we have our brains hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. Then the brain releases a host of transmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others) which are responsible for the sensations of well-being, gratification, pleasure, comfort, and bonding.
I believe that for a healthy husband/wife relationship there must be continual open lines of communication. The wife should set the boundaries for her husband's crossdressing, and the husband should do his best to live within her tolerances. I would expect my wife to let me know whenever something disturbs her, and I would honor her judgement.
I think you should let your husband know that his female alter-ego is annoying, and that his male side actually has a more pleasant personality. Tell him you would appreciate it if he maintained is male personality when he wears a dress. I like Grayson Perry as a good role model for crossdressing. He is an accomplished artist in England (winner of the Turner prize as well as appointed a Commander of the Order of the British Empire) and is married to an accomplished psychotherapist (Philippa Perry). Here is a link to an interview with Grayson where he expresses many of his thoughts - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G-2rgFLYzo
Hope this helps.
