My liberal wife thinks all TVs are gay

[flatlander_48]

rephrasing, I would say that I decided to accept and allow it.


I have some questions for those in the "when is one bi" debate. My wife had a friend whose husband announced one day after many years of marriage that he was gay, wanted a divorce, and was moving to Palm Springs to live with is new boy friend. He'd been living a lie his whole life and now he was going to be true to himself. She was completely blindsided. She had no clue. She thought their sex life, while not perfect, was pretty good. If there was a problem, it was that he wanted sex more than her. So was this guy really gay as he believed himself to be? Was he bi since he seemed to enjoy sex with women before he "discovered" he was gay? Was he always gay/bi or did he only become gay/bi the moment he acted on his same sex impulses?

Regarding being gay or bisexual:
It isn't just about sex. There's a whole bunch of things that go into the mix. Definitely sex is part of it, but it's also who you from intimate (in the broadest sense) with, how you align yourself politically, etc. The only difference for bisexual people is that gender isn't the first gating factor. It's somewhere down the list; maybe 3rd, 4th or who knows?

When I first considered having physical intimacy with men, a fascinating thought occured to me. That was I could choose to be the active partner or the passive partner or move back and forth as I saw fit. I chose to be the passive partner and that opened up a distinctly new train of thought. It was a very different way of looking at sexual dynamics and it fascinated me. It was completely unlike the rigid behaviors that I had assumed were appropriate. That new freedom can be intoxicating. Further, if approached correctly, there is no reason that a gay relationship has to look like an opposite sex reltionship. You don't necessarily have the preset expectations (wife does this, husband does that) that you would see in many opposite sex couples. So, perhaps the husband of the friend was just responding to this new sense of freedom.

In any event, I believe ones sexuality is predetermined. And, that is independent of whether you know it or respond to it. Experiences play an important part as they help us understand what we are.

I wonder how many cross dressing heterosexual men were "pushed" into homosexual relationships because society had branded them as "queers, faggot and fruits."

No, people can't be pushed, convinced or turned. Whatever your native sexuality is, that's what it is. This ties in with the concept that homophobes erroneously believe: gay people Recruit. No way that you're going to turn someone who does not have a predisposition.